In Your Arms
by sheepish123
Summary: Amanda helps Olivia navigate through the stresses of being a single parent and the leader of the Special Victims Unit while the lieutenant isn't feeling well, along with contemplating the possibility of taking their friendship to the next level. Amanda/Olivia pairing.
1. Chapter 1

**Happy season premiere day, everyone! :)**

 **This story takes place in the present time but has nothing to do with the premiere - I wanted to write about Amanda providing Olivia with some comfort to help Liv deal with the stresses of being a single parent and the lieutenant of SVU, as well as taking their first steps into a romantic relationship together. My stories are usually the other way around, with Liv comforting Amanda, so I wanted to switch things up a bit.**

 **Kim does not live with Amanda, Jesse, and Frannie in this story.**

 **This will start out with a "T" rating but might switch to an "M" in future chapters.**

 **I'm partway through chapter 6 of "Hidden Scars" and hoping to have it posted sometime this weekend. :)  
**

xxxxxxxxxx

The noise level in Amanda Rollins' apartment is deafening and threatening to drive her insane; the screeching of overtired children, the barking of her dog, the blaring of the television, and the sound of her lieutenant's phone, which has been going off at regular intervals since they had arrived, even though they are done work for the weekend and had just wrapped up their latest case before leaving the precinct at the end of the day.

She sighs inwardly as Olivia Benson glances distractedly at the device in her hand, watching the older woman roll her eyes and mutter something unintelligible under her breath while at the same time gently prying a toy out of Noah's hand that he had yanked away from Jesse's grasp. Her boss returns the stolen doll to the incensed toddler, who is wailing dramatically at the top of her lungs, giant tears of betrayal rolling down flushed, chubby cheeks as she glares at the little boy who is simultaneously her best friend and worst enemy, Amanda finding herself struck by how much their children resemble siblings after all the time they have spent together.

She attempts to soothe her daughter by running a tender hand through unruly blonde curls that she had tied up into haphazard pigtails that morning just before their usual rush out the door, stifling a laugh as all seems to be forgiven between Jesse and Noah only a few seconds later, the two of them sharing a sloppy hug and some giggles as Frannie prances around the living room and takes turns bathing everyone's faces with a long pink tongue. A quick glance over at Olivia confirms that the other woman is still engrossed in whatever is taking place on her phone screen, the lieutenant frowning down in irritation at the device clutched in her fist, and Amanda reaches over to lay a soft hand on the brunette's shoulder, asking quietly if everything is okay and arching a skeptical eyebrow when Olivia mutters that everything is fine.

Amanda gives the taller woman's shoulder a gentle squeeze before reminding Olivia that it is now the weekend and they are free to relax, the brunette turning her irritated frown in Amanda's direction and then giving her a brief smile, reluctantly agreeing with her and placing the phone down on the coffee table with a soft sigh. Amanda leaves her hand where it is for a moment, feeling the tense muscles bunching beneath her palm and digging her fingertips into the rich fabric of the older woman's blouse as she lets the digits move in a circular motion, massaging briefly and worried about the amount of stress that Olivia is currently exhibiting, her boss free to show her true emotions now that they are alone and not cooped up in the squad room with the rest of the team.

She feels a tendril of warmth unfurl inside her chest when the other woman steps closer and her eyelids drift closed while Amanda continues her gentle ministrations, a small part of her quite content and privileged whenever Olivia allows herself to be taken care of and coddled somewhat, aware that this is a very rare occurrence and her superior does not let her guard down in front of anyone else, even though another part of her hates to see Olivia so stressed and unhappy.

It hasn't always been like this between the two of them, the way they interact with an ease that seems so normal and natural, each one as comfortable in the other's home like it is their own and that is where they belong; things getting off to a very rocky start when Amanda had transferred from Atlanta six years prior and only getting worse as they had hit one bump in the road after another. It wasn't until Jesse was born almost two years ago that their relationship had slowly begun to change; two single mothers bonding over the joys and fears of raising children by themselves, Amanda finding herself looking to Olivia for advice when she felt totally lost and terrified with a newborn daughter to take care of and absolutely no experience with children other than babysitting her younger sister once in awhile when they had been growing up, and Olivia surprisingly ready and willing to give her subordinate all the support that she possibly could.

Amanda and Olivia are now almost inseparable outside of the job; their relationship gradually evolving from that of co-workers who could barely tolerate the sight of each other, to acquaintances who had begun to share bits and pieces of their lives from time to time, to best friends who hide nothing from each other and readily seeking one another out for playdates with their children and evenings curled up on the couch with glasses of wine and takeout food and romantic comedies; dinners out at kid-friendly restaurants and lazy Saturday afternoons spent at the beach during the heat of the summer months. Amanda cherishes this friendship that she shares with Olivia above all else in her life, aside from her daughter; something that she had been craving since before moving to New York, elated that they have been able to see through their differences and now look out for one another, the only two women in the Special Victims Unit sticking together like glue. She privately admits that Noah has become like a son to her and a big brother to Jesse after all this time spent getting to know each other and fitting so seamlessly into one another's lives like this is where they are meant to be, and acting as a family unit the majority of the time; two mothers, two children, and their dog.

There is the lingering awareness in the back of Amanda's mind that the two of them are continuously toeing the line as they grow closer and closer and the next natural step is one that she finds herself thinking of more often than not; her thoughts drifting frequently in a direction that is decidedly less of the friendship variety and leaning more towards the romantic, wondering what it would be like if they ended up becoming a family in every sense of the word. As she watches Olivia settling herself wearily onto the couch, taking a long swig from the bottle of beer she has just cracked open and pulling a checkered blanket around her body, that ever-growing need for them to take things further is thrumming insistently just below the surface, desperate to provide the older woman with everything she deserves and has thus far been lacking in her life; comfort and security and someone to hold her when things are rough, someone who will supply a distraction and an outlet from the harsh realities of the world, as well as anything else that she could ever want.

Amanda sits down on the cushions beside Olivia and ducks beneath the same blanket so that the soft material is spread across both of their laps, shifting close enough that the right side of her body is pressing lightly into the brunette's left, her shoulder and the outside of her thigh brushing against Olivia's. Her superior glances over at her with tired dark eyes that are threatening to droop shut under the weight of utter stress and exhaustion, giving her a fatigued smile and letting her head drift down to rest upon Amanda's shoulder.

Her heart gives a quick leap in response to their close proximity and Olivia's apparent desire to be soothed, taking a chance and easing an arm around the other woman's shoulders. "How are you doing there, Liv?" Amanda asks with quiet concern, glad that the kids and Frannie have all calmed down and are playing contentedly with each other on the floor in front of the TV, laboriously putting puzzle pieces together with tiny hands and chubby fingers, the dog sprawled out lazily between them with her furry tail thumping rhythmically against the tiles.

"I'm okay," Olivia murmurs in reply, but her tone is a somewhat broken version of the usual strength and confidence that Amanda is very familiar with hearing, her stomach doing a slow somersault as the brunette nestles her face further into her neck. "It's just been a long week."

"I'm worried about you," Amanda admits softly, raising her other arm to comb gentle fingers through the thick dark tresses that are spilling down across her chest as Olivia leans more heavily against her, not used to seeing her boss so readily seeking out this form of comfort. "You've been so stressed out lately, Liv. Is there anything I can do for you? Anything you need help with?"

"Just being here with you and Jesse is helping," Olivia answers with a quiet assurance, Amanda noticing that she is inclining her head to give her better access to her hair, and she smiles inwardly as she continues to run her fingers through the silky strands, glad that she is able to do something to help her lieutenant unwind from such a busy week and privileged to see the more vulnerable side to her tough-as-nails superior.

"Well, I'm glad we can help," she says sincerely, wincing when Jesse and Noah let out simultaneous ear-splitting shrieks and wondering if they had planned it that way to drive their mothers crazy, Olivia groaning softly in response and making a move to get up off the couch.

"No, just stay there," Amanda commands in a quiet but stern tone, placing a hand on the older woman's thigh and trying to keep her from rising to her feet. "Just relax, alright? I've got this. I think the munchkins are really overtired from such a busy week. Why don't I tuck them into Jesse's bed and Noah can have a little snooze until you guys are ready to go home?" She privately admits that she hopes they won't leave until morning; wanting their little get together to turn into a sleepover, as they sometimes have a habit of doing.

The fact that Olivia so readily agrees with Amanda putting the kids to bed herself and doesn't put up a fight about needing to accompany them into Jesse's room to lend a hand, tells her just how worn out her boss truly is. She gives Olivia's leg a gentle squeeze before rounding up two very cranky kids and one extremely hyperactive dog, Frannie seeming to realize that everyone is settling in for the night and finding this unacceptable as she tries to prevent that from happening.

It takes her much longer than she had anticipated it would to tuck the squirming, giggling children into Jesse's tiny toddler bed, Frannie apparently deciding that it would be a good time to leap up onto the mattress and start jumping around, Noah and Jesse both squealing in delight at the dog's silly antics and Amanda trying to no avail to get everyone calmed down. When the kids are finally snuggled up together under the covers after many stories and cups of water and Frannie has curled up into a furry ball on the carpet next to the bed, she is able to creep stealthily from the room on tiptoes, hoping that everyone will stay quiet for the evening so that she can continue trying to provide Olivia with some much-needed relaxation and stress relief.

When Amanda returns to the living room, her heart breaks at the unexpected sight before her; the lieutenant's tired body wrapped up in the blanket while pressing her face hard into the cushions of the couch and clutching a pillow tightly to her chest, shoulders quivering with pent-up emotion that seemingly needs to be released and a sheen of tears visible in her large dark eyes when she turns her head.

"Hey, hey, what's the matter, Liv?" Amanda asks in concern, rushing over to sit back down beside the older woman and placing a tender hand against Olivia's cheek. "Talk to me, honey."

"I'm sorry," the brunette sniffles quietly, swiping quickly at both eyes with her fingertips and looking away with what appears to be shame. "I didn't mean to break down like this. It's just been a really hard week and I haven't been getting any sleep. Noah's going through a stage right now; throwing constant temper tantrums and not listening to anything I say, and things at the precinct are crazy. Just a lot of bullshit going on," she adds hastily when Amanda tilts her head to the side in curiosity.

"I'm sorry," Olivia repeats in a somewhat choked tone of voice, as Amanda leans over to wipe a stray tear away with the pad of her thumb. "I didn't mean to come over here and start crying on your couch while you take care of my son. Maybe we should just get going-"

"You're not going anywhere," Amanda interrupts firmly, taking Olivia's hand into her own and interlacing their fingers before giving a gentle tug to urge the other woman to her feet. "Except to my bed to lie down and get some rest. And you have nothing to be sorry for, Liv. You've got a lot on your plate right now and it's perfectly normal not to be fine all the time. Let me take care of you, okay?"

There is a moment of silence that stretches out between them while Olivia seems to contemplate Amanda's suggestion and how she wants to respond, before giving an almost imperceptible nod of her head. Amanda smiles slightly in relief, that worry still coursing steadily through her system as she guides Olivia into the bedroom with the intention of tucking her under the covers like she had just tucked the kids in, and leaving her alone to get some much-needed rest. She is torn between wanting to curl up beneath the blankets next to her boss and retreating back out to the living room so as not to invade her personal space, even though they are in her own bedroom.

Olivia solves that dilemma for her right away, the older woman's whispered voice asking hesitantly if she will stay with her and Amanda's heart clenching in her chest at the low note of shame that is still evident in the brunette's voice, assuring Olivia that she will be more than happy to stay. She can practically feel the waves of stress and discontent that are rolling off of her superior's body like a waterfall, taking in the tense way that Olivia seems to be holding herself as she gets settled onto the bed beside her, and all Amanda wants to do is help reduce her stress in any way that she possibly can.

"What can I do for you, Liv?" she asks softly, her hand unconsciously resting upon the brunette's shoulder again as her fingers dig into the stiff muscles that are knotted so tightly beneath her touch, a pink blush dotting her cheeks with bright spots of color as an idea suddenly springs to mind. "Do you want a massage?"

Amanda swallows hard when Olivia's eyes immediately darken at the suggestion, fearful that she has gone a step too far in her attempts to get the other woman to relax and unwind and that Olivia is going to snap at her in response, those blossoming feelings rising to the surface once more and determined to make themselves known. She is stunned when instead of being met with the lieutenant's immediate anger or dismissal of her suggestion, or being told outright that her proposal is extremely inappropriate, Amanda is greeted by Olivia's softly murmured assent of the situation and the brunette sliding her dark blue blazer down over her shoulders, leaving her in a silky white tank top and showing off bare arms that are both tanned and toned.

She has to physically stop herself from licking her lips in appreciation as she shifts over on the sheets and gets settled somewhat hesitantly behind Olivia, feeling a certain shyness creeping into her movements even though the massage had been her idea. Amanda gently sweeps aside a thick curtain of dark brown hair that Olivia has been letting grow longer lately, securing the soft tresses over one of the taller woman's shoulders before raising her hands to rest lightly against Olivia's back. She leaves them like that for a moment, her palms laying unmoving on the warm material of her shirt and feeling the heat from her superior's body through the thin layer of the blouse, and then slowly trailing her fingers in ever-widening circles across the expanse of Olivia's back, hearing the brunette sigh in pleasure.

Amanda's lips quirk up into a small smile of satisfaction as she watches Olivia leisurely roll her shoulders and settle more comfortably into the mattress, the older woman obviously enjoying the care that Amanda is providing her with, and she digs her thumbs more sharply into the taut muscles she can feel bunched up beneath her hands, her mouth growing dry when Olivia lets out a soft moan of bliss in response.

"Oh god, Amanda, that feels so good," the lieutenant replies in a breathy tone that she is quite sure wasn't intended to be spoken that way, but sends shivers down her spine all the same.

"Well, I'm glad," Amanda murmurs in a strained voice, the next words tumbling out of her mouth before she can stop them and inwardly cringing in response. "I want to make you feel good, Liv."

Olivia throws a quick glance over her shoulder at her, the older woman's expression unreadable, before turning back around once again, her voice so low that Amanda has to strain to hear it. "You do make me feel good, Amanda. Better than anyone else has ever made me feel."

Her hands slide to complete halt against Olivia's back, going entirely still for a moment while she digests this new and surprising information and begins mulling it over in her mind, wondering what exactly it could mean; if Olivia is referring to what they share together as friends and with the kids, the family fun and domesticity that their routines have taken on outside of work, or if she is hinting at something more, that she could possibly be feeling the same thing that Amanda does and has also been wanting to take the next tentative step in their relationship.

The thought that Olivia might not actually share these deeper feelings and that Amanda is alone in thinking this way, fills her with the same stress and discontentment that she is working so hard to obliterate for Olivia; wanting to keep things light and relaxed so that her boss' worries begin melting away and she is able to enjoy a serene weekend away from the chaos and darkness of the precinct. Amanda doesn't even want to contemplate how devastated she would be if Olivia didn't feel the same way about her and resolves to put this line of thinking entirely out of her mind and concentrate solely on the other woman's comfort, her hands beginning to move slowly across the back of the brunette's shirt again and drawing in a quick breath of air when her fingers graze against the warm, bare skin of Olivia's hip, her superior's blouse riding up slightly on one side.

Instead of snatching her palm away and apologizing for the invasion of privacy, Amanda finds that her hand seems to be glued right into place, her fingers continuing to trace the lightest of circles across soft, exposed flesh that has become pebbled with goosebumps, her heart stuttering to a complete stop inside her chest at Olivia's next words.

"Do you mind if I take my shirt off?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the delay in updating! This chapter picks up right where the last one left off, with Olivia asking Amanda if it's okay to remove her shirt during the massage.**

 **Just a reminder that although this story takes place in season 19, it has nothing to do with any of the recent events that have taken place on the show; it's just my own version of how the new season might go. I wanted Olivia and Amanda's relationship to progress without the current storylines that are taking place (I don't want to be more specific than that because I don't want to spoil the new episodes for anyone).**

 **I've been loving the new season so far, though, and might write some one-shots about it in the near future.**

xxxxxxxxxx

Olivia's unexpected question seems to hang heavily in the air between them while Amanda struggles to find her voice and is apparently unable to pry her hand away from the soft, bare skin that it is resting against; the satiny smoothness of the lieutenant's hipbone proving to be irresistibly enticing. She watches as the brunette throws another glance over her shoulder and this time there is nothing unclear about the older woman's expression, Olivia spearing her with a look that is entirely apologetic.

"Sorry, Amanda, that was very inappropriate of me," she murmurs in embarrassment, the sudden restless movement of her limbs suggesting that Olivia is about to vacate the bed. "I shouldn't have asked you that. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"Liv, it's fine," Amanda assures the other woman, her voice coming to life just in time and grabbing ahold of Olivia's forearm while the brunette is in the process of scrambling out of her reach; long legs thrown over the side of the mattress like she is intending on leaving the room altogether. "You're not making me feel uncomfortable at all, really."

Her voice catches briefly in the back of her throat before she swallows hard and continues speaking, willing herself to sound as confident as she usually does and hoping there is no tremble evident in her tone. "And I'm sure the massage would feel better if you took your shirt off because then there would be no barrier between my hands and your...skin," she finishes in a somewhat choked manner that is barely audible as she watches Olivia promptly grasp onto the hem of her silky white blouse, lifting it swiftly over her head and tossing the garment onto the floor in one fell swoop.

"Uh...I guess I didn't need too much convincing," the older woman murmurs with a hint of self-conscious laughter, shifting her body bashfully back onto the mattress and settling down into the sheets in front of Amanda again.

She chuckles nervously along with her boss, her mouth going completely dry as she tries to keep from ogling the enticing expanse of Olivia's bronzed skin and the white lace bra that looks as if it was perfectly crafted to fit the curvy frame, the fragile scrap of material hugging the tanned figure of the taller woman in all the right places.

The last thing Amanda wants to do is take advantage of Olivia in any way, especially when the brunette is in such an unusually vulnerable state, and she desperately tries to reign in her wildly racing libido and calm her thumping heart, reminding herself that this is merely a friendly gesture meant to soothe Olivia into a more serene state of being, and absolutely nothing more than that. There is a little voice in the back of Amanda's brain, reminding her that it was Olivia who had been the one to suggest taking her shirt off in the first place and that it had not been her own idea at all; wondering again if the older woman might possibly share those deeper feelings that she is continually pushing down every single time they try to creep back up to the surface and make themselves known. It remains to be seen whether Olivia just wants to be more comfortable or if she actually has an ulterior motive in mind, but Amanda is resolute in keeping this as platonic as she possibly can, at least for the time being; knowing that her boss just needs to relax and wind down from her busy and stressful week.

She figures that will be much easier said than done when she places her hands lightly on top Olivia's warm, bare shoulders and begins a tentative rubbing motion, the other woman letting out a low and drawn-out moan in response and her head tilting slightly backwards as if in sheer pleasure of her friend's ministrations. Amanda squeezes her eyes shut and groans inwardly, thinking how very screwed she is, considering they are only at the very beginning of this massage and things are just going to continue to progress from this point on, mentally talking herself into keeping perfect control of her hands and not letting this evolve into anything even remotely sexual. The fact that Olivia is sitting there in front of her without a shirt on is probably not the best way to convince herself that this is nothing more than a comforting gesture from one good friend to another and has no basis whatsoever in anything romantic, but Amanda is not about to tell her to put the garment back on as her eyes drift open to once again fix upon the soft, tanned flesh before her.

"So do you want to tell me what's been going on at work and with Noah?" she asks in an effort to distract herself from the way Olivia is reacting to her touch, the brunette's body moving in a slow, seemingly sensual way against the sheets as Amanda's fingers trail leisurely down her spine and dig into the knotted muscles she finds there.

"Mmm, not really," Olivia murmurs in response, her head falling forward now and her face obscured by thick, dark tresses as Amanda peers around her shoulder to try and get a look at her expression. "It's not that I don't want to talk about things with you, Amanda, because I do," she adds somewhat apologetically. "But I just want to relax tonight, okay?"

"Okay," she replies in agreement, even though she doesn't think that she will be capable of relaxing at all now, especially when part of the clasp on Olivia's bra comes loose and begins opening bit by bit as if the hooks have a mind of their own.

Amanda's hands come to an abrupt halt against the other woman's back, unsure of whether to alert Olivia to this issue or just refasten the bra herself and continue on with her soothing ministrations like she is unaffected by what is happening. There is a part of her that wants to suggest Olivia just remove her bra altogether since it would definitely make the massage much easier if she could have full access to the older woman's back without any clothing getting in the way and impeding the gentle movement of her hands across the tanned skin, but she refrains from doing so.

"Well, apparently my clothes just don't want to stay on when I'm around you, Amanda," Olivia suddenly chuckles with a hint of uneasiness in her tone like she is afraid of her friend's reaction, both hands reaching back to try and grasp onto the sides of the garment that only gape open even further at the attempt to hold the bra together, the actions clumsy and awkward due to the way she is sitting.

Amanda listens to the frustrated sigh that emits from Olivia's mouth and observes the utter exhaustion in the way her body is moving now, the slight amount of relaxation and contentment that had been evident only a moment ago seeming to disappear instantly with her embarrassment. Amanda's hands come up to cover the lieutenant's and give them a brief squeeze of reassurance while gently pushing them away, overcome with a rush of tenderness for the brunette that mixes in with her arousal and uncertainty of the situation; she and Olivia definitely toeing the line with one another now but unable to stop herself from speaking her next words.

"Just leave it, Liv; it's okay," she says softly, her palms sliding up to grasp lightly onto Olivia's upper arms when the other woman's hands fall away, and her fingers gripping more firmly onto the toned muscles she finds there. "Do you want to lie down on the bed? It'll give me easier access to your back and it might help your clothes stay on better."

Amanda infuses a teasing quality into her tone and is gratified when Olivia laughs quietly in response before throwing an unreadable glance over her shoulder and slowly stretching out onto her stomach across the mattress. She shifts over on the sheets to make more room for the other woman's body to take up a larger amount of space on the bed, and rests her hand against a slightly quivering back when Olivia is settled and the brunette's face is pushed into the blankets like she is trying to hide, a waterfall of dark hair covering up her expression once again.

"There you go, Liv. You just lay there and relax and let me take care of you, okay?" Amanda's voice is gentle and reassuring as she watches the tentative nod of Olivia's head, her boss' emotions seemingly all over the place and twisted up into a giant knot of conflicting feelings.

She is getting the sense that Olivia is ashamed to be seen in this vulnerable state and possibly regrets seeking this kind of attention from her colleague but is also in desperate need of it at the same time, her high levels of stress more than apparent and worrying Amanda to no end. She knows what it's like trying to juggle the combined challenges of being a single mother while putting in very long days at the precinct with the worst kind of scum that society has to offer, but can only imagine how much harder it must be for Olivia to run their unit with the utmost professionalism and continually maintaining the high success rate that they have in closing their cases. Amanda is reminded again of how privileged she feels when Olivia shows this uncharacteristically vulnerable side of her personality, fully aware that the older woman doesn't exhibit this kind of nature around anyone else and is only comfortable letting loose with her more sensitive and hidden emotions around her.

"You doing okay, there, Liv?" she inquires softly as her hands resume their tender movements across Olivia's back, noticing the brunette has given up on fumbling with the clasp of her bra and both sides of the garment have now come completely open and are laying loosely against her ribs, exposing even more of that beautiful bronzed skin.

"I don't know," comes the mumbling reply that causes Amanda's eyebrows to raise high in surprise and concern, her fingers trailing up to Olivia's face to gently push back a section of disheveled hair so that she can see her friend better.

"What do you mean, you don't know? What's going on, honey? I know you said that you just want to relax right now, but can you talk to me for a minute?" Amanda is now leaning over the other woman's prone body, stroking a thumb back and forth across part of Olivia's furrowed eyebrow that is visible against the covers and noticing that her eyelid has drifted closed in fatigue.

"There's just a lot going on right now, Amanda." Olivia's response is said in a whispered tone that is barely audible due to the exhaustion, and her face still being partially obscured by the blankets. "I'm just confused about some things."

"What are you confused about, Liv?" she asks softly, the pad of her thumb trailing slowly across the brunette's cheekbone and resting there when Olivia doesn't answer right away. "Liv?" she prods gently, tapping her face very lightly with the digit and realizing that the other woman has fallen asleep.

"That's okay; you just get some rest, honey," Amanda sighs quietly, deciding to lay down carefully beside Olivia on the bed and snuggling up close to the warm body next to her, feeling the need to be as near as possible to the taller figure of her friend and continue to provide her with the care she so obviously needs right now.

Even though Olivia is no longer awake and is now emitting soft snores from between slightly parted lips, Amanda finds that she cannot keep her hands to herself and wants to keep lavishing the other woman with comfort, her fingers tracing light patterns and drawing little pictures over heated bare skin. She alternates between rubbing Olivia's back with a firmer touch and letting her hand trail in a tender caress up and down the brunette's spine, starting from her hairline and traveling all the way down to the waistband of her pants before moving slowly upwards again, grazing her fingertips along each rib as she circles her palm around with a certain reverence and awe that she is able to touch and comfort Olivia in this fashion.

When Amanda feels her own eyelids beginning to droop closed with fatigue, she leans over to press a soft kiss to Olivia's forehead, frowning slightly when she feels how much warmer the older woman's skin has become and hoping she isn't coming down with a cold or other illness due to the large amount of stress she has been under lately. She lays her head down right next to Olivia's on the same pillow, their faces only inches apart and breath mingling together, an arm wrapping protectively around the lieutenant's back and pulling her body even closer as she quickly succumbs to her own slumber.

xxxxxxxxxx

When Amanda awakens the next morning, her eyelids cracking blearily open and immediately slamming shut again as they are assaulted by the bright sunlight that is streaming into the room from the blinds she had forgotten to close, she is pleased to note the presence of another warm body in the bed next to her. She is always overjoyed when a playdate with Olivia and Noah turns into a sleepover, and she envisions sneaking out of her bedroom and into the kitchen to prepare a big Saturday morning breakfast for everyone before they wake up; immensely enjoying these moments when the four of them, as well as Frannie, resemble a family.

Amanda lays there contentedly daydreaming about all of them spending the day together as she begins to drift back into a light sleep, thinking the kids would enjoy taking Frannie for a long walk in the crisp fall air with all the leaves right at their stunning peak of color, and that a trip to the park might also be nice; so caught up in her thoughts as she flits in and out of slumber that it doesn't immediately register where her head is resting. Her eyes fly open again in sheer panic, fully awake now that she is aware of the positioning of her body on the bed, along with Olivia's, and noticing with no small amount of both alarm and arousal that they have moved throughout the night and the older woman is now laying on her back instead of her stomach, Amanda's arm wrapped around a bare waist and her head pillowed quite comfortably on a naked breast.

"Oh, _shit_ ," she mutters under her breath as she yanks herself as quickly as she can from Olivia's snoozing form and bolts upright on the mattress, thoroughly taking in the way they have re-positioned themselves over the past several hours and blue eyes widening slightly at what she sees.

Amanda is still dressed in the clothes she had worn to the precinct the day before, deciding to go more casual on a Friday with dark jeans and a red plaid shirt, but Olivia is even less clothed than she was during the previous evening's massage, the brunette's bra having been removed entirely from her body and twisted up into a lacy knot in the sheets next to her, Olivia's belt unbuckled and dress pants unzipped and showing just a hint of white panties that look as if they match her bra.

"Uh, Liv, I'm just going to cover you up a little bit, alright?" Amanda whispers in a slightly trembling tone as she picks up a corner of the quilt with the intention of draping it over her friend's nude torso, not wanting Olivia to be upset when she wakes up or frightened when she feels the material suddenly coming into contact with that part of her body.

"Mmm, no, I'm too hot," comes the mumbling response of the brunette, Olivia shifting restlessly back and forth on the bed and seeming to settle herself more comfortably into the sheets like she is intent on remaining in that position, her eyelids flickering open only briefly before drifting shut again.

"Oh god, Olivia, you're going to kill me here," Amanda murmurs in a barely audible tone as she tries to keep her gaze firmly averted from those olive-colored breasts and the dusky pink nipples that have hardened in the cool morning air, now that Amanda's body is not lying over top of them like a blanket.

She reaches down to feel Olivia's forehead with a frown of concern when she notices the goosebumps lining the older woman's stomach and unsure if the brunette is feeling hot or cold at the moment, as there are indications of both. There is a worrisome heat emanating from Olivia's skin when Amanda lays her palm gently against the other woman's head, and she is now completely certain that the lieutenant has come down with some kind of illness due to her busy schedule and the constant stress that comes with caring for Noah by herself and managing her team at the precinct.

There is the sudden pitter-patter of tiny feet and muffled giggles out in the hallway, followed by a sharp bark and the clicking of canine toenails against the floor, and Amanda shakes Olivia's shoulder with a spiking amount of alarm when the knob on the closed bedroom door begins to rattle noisily. "Uh, Liv, you need to wake up and put something on right now!" she hisses urgently, knowing they are about to be joined by the three other occupants of the apartment.

Sure enough, the words are barely out of her mouth when the door is flying enthusiastically open and slamming back against the wall with the force of it, Noah, Jesse, and Frannie trooping into the room in a disheveled line of messy hair and rumpled pajamas and spiky fur, Olivia seeming to rise to full consciousness and scrambling to pull the covers over herself just in time. Amanda breathes a sigh of relief when Frannie leaps onto the bed to join them but the kids already seem otherwise engaged with one of Jesse's teddy bears that she had left on the floor in the corner, the two children tugging anxiously at the stuffed animal like there is a fight brewing between them and Olivia huddled deep beneath the blankets so that only her flushed, feverish face is poking out.

"Mama, I had a sleepover with Jesse last night!" Noah announces with delight as he whirls around with the teddy bear clutched firmly in his grasp and Jesse reaching out for it with an indignant whine. "She's my best friend!" The little boy seems to be studying them closely for a moment before his lips quirk up into a happy grin and his eyes crinkle at the corners as he beams at up them. "Did you have a sleepover with 'Manda, Mama? Is she your best friend too?"

Amanda glances down at Olivia with a brewing nervousness swirling around inside her gut, the older woman staring right back at her with an unreadable expression fixed on her tired features, unsure of how Olivia is going to respond to this innocent question and privately wondering if they have now crossed over that line from best friends to something more.


	3. Chapter 3

"More eggs, please, 'Manda."

The boyish little voice makes Amanda glance up from the various pans of food that are simmering enticingly on top of the stove, having dragged herself out of the comfortable bed she was sharing with Olivia to create a giant family-sized feast of bacon, eggs, pancakes and hash browns for everyone, along with the full pot of coffee and large jug of orange juice that are sitting nearby. The other human occupants of the apartment are perched in chairs around the kitchen table, two of them gobbling up the food she has prepared with eager enthusiasm while the third slumps there silently and gulps down her huge mug of coffee like the precious liquid will disappear into thin air if she doesn't drink it as quickly as possible.

The canine member of the home refuses to leave the kitchen no matter how many times Amanda has gently shooed her into the living room, Frannie much preferring to steal regular bites of their breakfast over eating her own bowl of dog food, and she has caught both of the kids sneaking slices of bacon to her pet when they assume she and Olivia aren't paying attention. Frannie is currently sitting ramrod straight in front of Jesse's chair, staring the toddler down with pleading eyes as the tiny blonde bites into a pancake that she has picked up with both hands, squishing the food delightedly between her chubby fists and eliciting an encouraging laugh from Noah.

"Jesse, don't play with your food, honey," Amanda chides lightly, guiding the crumbling pancake out of the little girl's hands and back onto the plate in front of her. "And here you go, buddy," she adds brightly, spooning some more of the scrambled eggs onto Noah's plate and smiling when he grins and claps his hands, responding with a thank you of appreciation. "And it was very nice of you to use your manners when you asked for more eggs."

"Mama teached me how to say please and thank you," Noah replies seriously as he picks up a forkful of the eggs and guides them into his mouth with more finesse than the child sitting beside him, Amanda's daughter still struggling to master the art of feeding herself properly instead of throwing everything onto the floor or building random objects with her food.

"Mama doesn't wanna talk to us today," Noah continues in a somewhat confidential tone even though his mother is sitting right there beside him, gesturing over to Olivia who is still chugging the cup of coffee like her life depends on it, purple circles of fatigue ringing the older woman's eyes and a raspy cough emitting occasionally from her throat.

"I don't think Mama is feeling very well today, buddy," Amanda explains gently as she strides back toward the stove to keep an eye on the food that is still cooking and brushes a tender hand along Olivia's shoulder blades as she walks past the other woman's chair. "What do you say we stay inside today and watch some movies and play some games so your mom can relax and start feeling better?"

This suggestion is met with an exuberant agreement by Noah and a noise of protest from Olivia, the brunette finally glancing up from her cup of coffee to ruffle a hand over her son's disheveled hair. She fixes Amanda with the same unreadable expression she had displayed in bed earlier that morning after Noah had inquired about the two of them having a sleepover together and had asked if they were best friends. Amanda has noticed that Olivia has yet to answer the little boy's innocent questions but has to admit that she hadn't really expected her to, the older woman hurrying to put on some clothes after Amanda had ushered the kids and Frannie from the room to give her some privacy, both relieved and disappointed once Olivia was fully dressed again.

She is aware that the brunette has begun leaving random bits of clothing and toiletries and toys at Amanda's place in case of an unexpected sleepover and that she herself has done the same thing at Olivia's apartment, even though neither one of them has ever addressed this particular habit that has been going on for the past little while now. Amanda has become used to seeing a sweatshirt of Olivia's or an action figure of Noah's in various spots around her home, and every single time one of these items come into her line of vision when the older woman and her son aren't physically there, she is filled with the conflicting emotions of an intense longing to spend time with them again and a profuse warmth that they feel comfortable enough to leave their things at her place.

She privately admits that she just wishes Olivia and Noah would bring the entire contents of their apartment over to hers, thereby making it official that they really are the family of five they are currently portraying themselves to be, since the scene playing out in her kitchen could not get much more domestic than it is right now. Saturday morning with the kids still in their pajamas and Amanda and Olivia in their lounge clothes, sharing a big breakfast while cartoons play on the TV in the background and the dog gets shooed from the room yet again, gives her the feeling of home, like this is where they are all meant to be; living together under one roof as a family unit.

"Amanda, it's a beautiful day outside," Olivia is saying firmly over the din of the chattering children and the barking dog, continuing to stroke a hand over her son's hair as he eats. "You and Jesse and Frannie shouldn't have to be stuck indoors all day just because I'm feeling a little under the weather. Noah and I should be getting home soon, anyway. It's perfectly fine for me to rest and relax at my own place. You've done quite enough for us."

There is an undercurrent of something deeper and more serious in the older woman's voice that Amanda can't quite get a read on, whether it be guilt or regret of the previous evening's events and how they had woken up together that morning, and she gets the sense that Olivia is trying to find a way to flee the situation before her embarrassment and shame take over entirely. She knows that although Olivia can now let down her guard in Amanda's presence and allow herself to be more vulnerable since they have grown so much closer, it is not something that comes very easily to the older woman; the two of them so much alike in this sense, as they tend to hold their deeper emotions inside and try to put up a strong front when things aren't going very well.

"No, Mama, I wanna stay with Jesse!" Noah objects loudly, a hint of tears in his eyes now as he grabs at the blonde toddler's hand and Jesse grabs back with just as much determination, the kids linking their fingers together and holding on tightly, as if they are about to be ripped apart.

"Honey, we need to get going soon," Olivia explains gently, chucking her son lightly under the chin before ruffling his hair again. "I'm sure Amanda and Jesse have things they want to do today."

"Liv, don't be silly; of course you're more than welcome to stay," Amanda chastises more firmly than she had intended, noticing a raised eyebrow from Olivia in return. "You can stay for the whole weekend, if you want. The kids can play together and I can take care of you while you're not feeling well."

"Yeah, let's stay!" Noah cries happily, Amanda laughing at the way the little boy's mood seems to swing instantly from one spectrum to the other and reminded of how Jesse so often displays the same behavior.

"Amanda, I'm a grown woman who is perfectly capable of taking care of herself," Olivia replies with a bite in her tone, seemingly perturbed that Amanda has brought this suggestion up in front of the kids, who are more than enthused about the idea of spending the entire weekend together and are unlikely to let the subject drop now that it has been brought to their attention. "I'm not dying, you know. I probably just have a cold or something."

"You are quite the stubborn woman, you know that, Liv?" Amanda responds with a mixture of affection and irritation as she shakes her head in dismay at the brunette. "Why can't you just admit that you need some help with things right now?"

"Oh, you're one to talk," Olivia instantly shoots back, the lieutenant rolling her eyes and smothering a cough with one hand. "You might just be the most stubborn woman on the face of the earth, Rollins."

Amanda rolls her eyes right back at Olivia and whirls around to face the stove again with a small huff, knowing the older woman only calls her by her last name when she's extremely annoyed and that they had moved to a mostly first-name basis after becoming so much closer to one another when Jesse was born. An unexpected flash of Olivia's nude upper body comes to mind as Amanda briefly contemplates just how much their relationship has grown over the past couple of years and hoping there is still room for more growth, an aroused and unwanted blush spreading across her cheeks when she thinks of Olivia tangled up half-naked in her sheets.

"Mama, are you and 'Manda having a fight?" Noah pipes up curiously, his little voice rising over Jesse's delighted squeal when Frannie trots back into the kitchen and swipes a hash brown right out of the toddler's hand before taking off into the living room again at a quick pace.

"No, baby, we're not fighting," Olivia soothes instantly, and Amanda notices the other woman arching a questioning eyebrow at her when she moves away from the stove and takes a seat at the table with her own plate of food and cup of coffee. "We're just trying to come to an agreement on something."

Amanda instinctively ducks her head down as she shoves a piece of bacon into her mouth and takes a swig of the coffee that has cooled considerably, feeling as if Olivia's penetrating gaze is burning a hole right through her skull as she consumes her breakfast and tries to fight the intense blush that only seems to be growing darker. Even though this could not be a more inappropriate time to think of her boss in this respect, now that the thought has entered her mind, she can't seem to get it out no matter how hard she tries, the delicious and shocking sensation of waking up with her face pressing right into Olivia's bare breast playing on a loop over and over again inside her brain.

"You okay there, Rollins?" Olivia asks in a more lighthearted tone, although Amanda can still detect that undercurrent of annoyance and seriousness mixed in with what seems to be the tiniest hint of teasing. "You look a little flushed. Are you coming down with a cold as well?"

Amanda clears her throat roughly and raises her head to look the brunette in the eye, those large chocolate orbs staring straight back at her with an intensity that makes her stomach flip over and continue on with the somersaults one right after the other. She tries desperately to shake those clinging and seductive images from her mind as she and Olivia gaze unwaveringly at one another, as if each is waiting for the other to blink first.

"I'm fine, Liv; just a little distracted," Amanda finally murmurs in a slightly choked tone as she lowers her eyes back down to her plate of food and swirls her scrambled eggs around with her fork, willing her stomach to settle down so that she can eat properly.

"Weren't you just telling your daughter not to play with her food?" Amanda can hear the playful smirk in Olivia's tone and feels immediate concern spiking through her irritation and lust at the raspy cough that follows, setting her fork down and reaching across the table with a sigh.

"Liv, will you please just stay here?" she asks quietly, her fingers sliding over the back of the older woman's ice cold hand and squeezing gently as their eyes meet once again. "I don't want you having to take care of Noah all by yourself when you're not feeling well. And you know how busy it's going to be the second we set foot in the precinct again on Monday morning. You need to get some rest before we have to go back to work."

"Amanda, we're single mothers; this is what we do," Olivia reminds her softly, and Amanda is gratified when the lieutenant squeezes back promptly, neither one of them making a move to pull their hand away from the other. "I've done this several times in the past and I will no doubt be doing this time and time again in the future. This is just the way things are."

"But they don't have to be," Amanda insists in a low voice so the kids won't pick up on any more tension in the room. "Haven't we helped each other out plenty of times in the past? So what's different this time? What's changed?"

The second the words are out of her mouth, she knows the answer; that everything had changed the second Olivia had taken off her shirt the night before and she had given the older woman a topless massage, not to mention waking up together that morning in their somewhat comprising position. The look on Olivia's face and her hesitation before answering suggests that the brunette has already come to the same conclusion, and she notices the other woman's gaze straying down toward their still-joined hands in the middle of the table, their fingers linked together amidst the array of breakfast food.

"Come on, Liv, just let someone take care of you for once," Amanda prods gently, scratching her fingernails lightly against Olivia's knuckles, an indescribable happiness and relief spreading through her at the brunette's softly uttered response.

"Okay, Amanda."

xxxxxxxxxx

Later that afternoon, the bright sunshine they had been graced with at the start of the day has given way to a brisk autumn rain that drums pleasantly against the windows of the building, the light outside dimming considerably and giving the living room the shadowy look of evening as the five occupants of the apartment are currently in various stages of rest. Noah and Jesse are both sound asleep on the floor, Amanda having constructed a cozy little nest made out of pillows and blankets that they had enthusiastically curled up in to watch the children's movie that is playing on the TV screen, Frannie flitting in and out of slumber beside them and moving around restlessly as she tries to find a comfortable position.

Amanda and Olivia had started out at opposite ends of the couch and have gradually migrated closer to each other over the course of the film, and they are now sitting side by side in the middle of the cushions, their shoulders brushing comfortably against one another and a fuzzy blanket draped over their laps. Amanda can tell that the older woman feels even more miserable now than she did that morning, although Olivia has not uttered one word of complaint so far; just sniffling and coughing from time to time as she sips on a can of ginger ale and sucks on a package of throat lozenges that Amanda had dug out of one of the kitchen draws.

When Olivia's head drifts down to rest upon her shoulder, she smiles briefly before easing an arm around the slightly shivering body of the woman next to her, pulling Olivia closer because she knows that this is the brunette's way of asking for comfort without having to verbalize it. "You doing okay there, Liv?" she whispers into her ear, feeling the heat radiating off of the curvy figure and tightening her hold around Olivia in concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Olivia replies unconvincingly, her face settling against Amanda's neck as she speaks and hot breaths of air puffing onto her skin. "I just wanted to say sorry...for last night and this morning. I know it was very inappropriate of me to take my shirt off during the massage, especially considering the way we woke up earlier..."

"Olivia, you have nothing to apologize for," Amanda answers softly, letting a hand come up to stroke tenderly through the thick dark tresses that are tickling her neck. "I should be the one apologizing for cuddling up to you while you were, um...topless. I didn't realize we had changed positions during the night."

"Amanda, I'm your boss," Olivia says abruptly, lifting her head up and leaning back slightly so they are looking one another in the eye, brown eyes locking intently onto blue. "What we're doing with each other-"

"What we're doing with each other is no one's business but our own," Amanda cuts in sharply, her tone changing swiftly as she is suddenly terrified of where this conversation might be leading and that Olivia might decide to end things completely; the older woman's confusion and unease with their changing relationship possibly driving her away entirely. "And this has nothing to do with work, Liv. It's simply one friend helping out another in her time of need. That's all."

Amanda knows that this is mostly untruthful; that she is indeed helping out a friend but that it goes far beyond that, at least for her; and is awaiting Olivia's response with a growing amount of trepidation when the brunette suddenly begins coughing loudly, bending over at the waist as if unable to catch her breath. Amanda immediately straightens up from her slumped position against the couch cushions and rubs a firm hand up and down Olivia's back as she waits for the other woman's coughing fit to subside, surprised when neither of the kids wake up and Frannie barely stirs on the floor at their feet.

"Easy there, honey," she murmurs soothingly, her heart clenching in her chest when Olivia sits up again and she sees that the lieutenant's face is flushed bright with fever and there are tears gathered in the corners of her eyes from the force of the coughing. "Are you alright? Do you think we need to be going to the doctor to get that cough checked out?"

 _"We?"_ Olivia repeats with what appears to be a mixture of exasperation and amusement, as well as something that sounds distinctly like appreciation, before letting out another prolonged cough, Amanda immediately guiding the shuddering woman to her feet and leading her into the bathroom to sit her down gently on the rim of the tub.

She closes the door behind them so they won't disturb the kids and gets down on her knees to rummage through the crowded cupboard below the sink, finally locating what she is looking for and setting it on the counter. The bottle of aromatic ointment is a topical cough medication that Amanda herself had used the previous winter when she had been stricken with a throat infection and had needed something to ease the pain and tightness and non-stop coughing so that she could properly care for Jesse and do her job.

"Here, Liv," she says quietly, handing the bottle over to the other woman with no small amount of hesitation as she explains that the medication can be rubbed onto her neck and chest and back as a soothing relief, realizing that this will most likely result in another removal of Olivia's shirt and trying to tamp down the desire she feels in response, chastising her raging libido for becoming active yet again in such an inappropriate situation.

Olivia reaches out slowly to take the bottle from her, their fingers brushing lightly together with the action, and for several seconds their arms remain suspended in mid-air as they hold onto the medication and gaze intently at each other, Amanda's heart quickening its pace. Despite the tension-filled conversation they have just shared, Amanda is very tempted to ask if the older woman wants any help with applying the ointment, as Olivia looks so uncharacteristically vulnerable and fragile sitting there perched on the edge of the bathtub, like she might slip to the floor at any moment in her weakened state.

Amanda is overcome with an immense amount of tenderness toward the brunette, as well as another feeling that she is too afraid to put a name to, shifting forward on the floor so that she is sitting on her knees in front of Olivia and reaching up to place her hands gently on top of the other woman's thighs, rubbing light circles onto the material of her pants. "Look, I don't care if you're my boss and I'm your subordinate, alright?" she says softly, squeezing the legs that are shaking beneath her touch, but unsure if the movement is due to illness or something else. "That's just at work, but that's not who we are to each other outside of the precinct. What we share together goes so much deeper than that, and if you need help with something, with anything at all; then I'm here for you, Liv. Always."

"Thank you, Amanda," Olivia whispers in a heartfelt tone as she leans forward slightly and Amanda sits up on her knees to meet her halfway, their arms winding around one another's backs and their chins resting upon each other's shoulders, and she knows without a doubt that she is head over heels for this woman, her intense feelings for Olivia only strengthening with every moment they spend together.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm leaving for a short vacation tomorrow, so this will be my last story update for the next week or so. I will catch up on my writing, as well as reading and reviewing any new chapters that are posted by my fellow authors, when I get back. :)**

xxxxxxxxxx

Amanda's hands are stroking tenderly through soft strands of brown hair, the thick tresses slipping like silk through her fingertips as her mouth descends upon the plump, inviting lips of the beautiful woman curled up under the blanket on the couch next to her. There are flashes of light exploding like fireworks behind her closed eyelids as their lips meet for the first time, Olivia kissing her back with a passion and intensity that sets her entire body on fire, Amanda unable to recall any other time in her life when someone has made her feel this way; so excited and nervous and alive. Those strong emotions are combining swiftly together to create a buzz of need that seems to simmer just beneath her skin like a spark of static electricity, so eager to see and touch and taste every single part of this woman's gorgeous body.

"I can't believe this is finally happening, Liv. I've wanted to do this for so long," she gasps incredulously into the lieutenant's mouth as her hands twist themselves further into the other woman's hair, creating tangles of satin that wind around her fingers and hearing Olivia murmur something faintly in response.

Amanda can't quite catch what the brunette is saying but assumes that Olivia is agreeing with her and they are both feeling exactly the same way about this situation, but pulls back slightly to get a better look at Olivia's face, the older woman's cheeks flushed a bright pink and pupils dilated to the point that they are nearly black, a light sheen of sweat coating her forehead and chest heaving from exertion. "What was that, Liv? Sorry, I didn't hear what you just said."

"I think I need to throw up."

Olivia's words are crystal clear this time and Amanda leans even further away with a bewildered frown creasing her features, an immediate stab of hurt and embarrassment spearing through her chest because she doesn't think her kissing technique is quite _that_ bad, especially since she has been told on more than a few occasions that her skill level in that area is actually pretty impressive; certainly coming nowhere close to the point where it should induce vomiting.

"Excuse me?" Amanda's eyebrows are raised high on her forehead now with the devastating realization that they are already crashing and burning before their relationship has even begun, Olivia apparently so disgusted with her that she feels the need to expel the contents of her stomach due to a simple kiss.

"You could have just asked me to stop instead of phrasing it like that," Amanda mutters in regret, a hot blush spreading rapidly across her pale cheeks and eyelids squeezing shut on another wave of mortification, aware that they should have kept things platonic between them instead of trying to take their friendship to a new level.

"I really feel like I'm going to be sick." Olivia's voice is more urgent now, her tone rising in a slight panic, and she feels the brunette's hands shoving insistently against her arms. "Amanda you need to move. _Right now_."

Amanda's eyes fly open again to fix on the other woman in confusion, slowly coming to the realization that her erotic waking thoughts and hopes had transferred into her dreams after falling asleep on the couch next to Olivia earlier in the evening. After a quiet Saturday of games and movies with the kids, Amanda excusing herself from the apartment a couple of times to take Frannie out for a walk, she and Olivia had retired to the living room together to watch a lighthearted romantic comedy once Noah and Jesse had been tucked into bed for the night. A heavy drowsiness had quickly overtaken her body as her limbs had entwined comfortingly with Olivia's beneath the blanket, and Amanda had been sucked into slumber only a few minutes after the film had started, the brunette coughing lightly beside her as she had dozed.

"Amanda, honey, you're practically laying on top of me here and I really need to get up." Olivia's voice is sounding somewhat frantically against her ear, and Amanda scrambles groggily away from the taller woman's form on the cushions, rubbing her bleary eyes as she watches Olivia instantly spring to her feet and rush down the hallway toward the bathroom once she is free from her friend's clinging embrace.

The same movie is still playing on the TV screen, so she figures that she couldn't have been asleep for very long; a quick glance at the clock on the wall confirming that only an hour has passed since they had sat down together on the couch with the intention of watching something funny to take Olivia's mind off of feeling so miserable. Amanda can hear rapid footsteps pacing back and forth across the tiles of the bathroom, and she drags herself into an upright position with a muffled groan, her aching muscles screaming at her from the contorted way she had been snuggled up with Olivia on the cushions.

The lingering details of her lust-filled dream refuse to leave her mind as she hurries down the hall to make sure Olivia is okay, schooling her features into a more neutral expression and feeling a sharp stab of guilt pierce through her chest at the not-so-friendly thoughts Amanda is having for the older woman when Olivia is feeling so unwell. Chastising herself sternly, she reaches the bathroom to see Olivia standing there on somewhat shaky legs with her eyes squeezed shut and a hand covering her mouth, as if willing herself not to be sick.

"Are you okay, Liv?" Amanda asks with soft concern as she steps inside the room and lays a gentle hand on Olivia's trembling arm. "Sorry I fell asleep on you out there; I didn't meant to. Do you need to throw up, honey?"

"No," Olivia replies in a tremulous tone as she slowly lowers her hand away from her mouth, an undercurrent of steel in her voice, like she is resolute in not losing the dinner they had eaten a little while ago and is afraid of being even more of a burden on Amanda than she already has. "I'm okay. I think I've just been coughing too much and it's upsetting my stomach. It just kind of hit me there for a minute, but I feel a bit better now."

"Are you sure?" Amanda inquires worriedly as she listens to a cough rumble through Olivia's chest. "You seem to be feeling a lot worse since you and Noah got here yesterday, Liv."

"I'll be fine," the brunette answers lightly with an offhand wave, as if she doesn't have time for such foolish, annoying things like being sick. " _You_ , on the other hand..." Amanda watches as Olivia's head tilts to the side as if the older woman is studying her intently, and she finds herself blushing under the suddenly intense scrutiny of her friend. "I hope I didn't pass on my cold on to you. I heard you muttering in your sleep like you couldn't get comfortable or something, and your face is all red and sweaty. Are you feeling alright, Amanda?"

"Um, yeah, I'm good," she stutters out in a surprised tone, her heart seizing inside her chest like she has been caught doing something she shouldn't, and feeling that guilt pierce through once again at having these particular thoughts and dreams about Olivia, especially while she is ill.

"Are you sure about that?" Olivia asks skeptically, Amanda's heart skipping a beat when the other woman raises an arm to lay a cool palm against her forehead. "You feel a little warm. Were you having a bad dream?"

"Well, it didn't start _out_ in a bad way," Amanda mumbles under her breath before she can stop herself, instantly caught up in the incredible sensation of having Olivia's lips pressed against her own, even if the gesture hadn't actually taken place in reality. "It was a good dream, to begin with."

"What was it about?" Olivia's head is still cocked curiously to the side as their eyes remain locked on one another, and Amanda can feel the hot blush on her cheeks darkening rapidly as her heart skips another beat.

"You know, I don't really remember, Liv," she mutters dismissively, determined to put a stop to this conversation as she becomes aware, with no small amount of horror, that there is a certain dampness pooling between her legs; a slick heat residing at the juncture of thighs, as well as a pleasurable but unwanted tingling feeling, and all because she had been dreaming about kissing her best friend.

Olivia looks like she is about to say something in response, a suspicious expression fixed on the other woman's tired features, when she is suddenly overtaken by a coughing fit that leaves her bent over at the waist with her hands clutching at her knees, choking and gasping as she tries to catch her breath. Amanda is immediately right by her side, rubbing a soothing but firm hand up and down the lieutenant's trembling back to help ease the uncomfortable spasms and glancing toward the bottle of topical cough medicine that she had fished out of the cupboard and left on the counter earlier in the day.

Olivia has yet to use any of it, as they had been interrupted by the kids awakening from their nap during the conversation and hug they had been sharing in the bathroom, and the ointment had gone untouched throughout the past several hours as they had carried on with meals and playtime and Frannie's walks. Amanda loops an arm around Olivia's waist and plucks the small container off the counter as she begins guiding the brunette toward the bedroom with the intention of tucking her in for the night instead of finishing their movie.

"Come on, Liv, I think you need to get some sleep," Amanda says gently as they enter her bedroom, relieved that they had been distracted by their prior discussion but concerned for the deteriorating state of Olivia's health.

"Amanda, I can't take your bed again," Olivia protests quickly as Amanda lightly pushes her down to sit on the edge of the mattress, and she wonders if the other woman is remembering how they had awakened that morning; their somewhat compromising position causing shock and arousal from Amanda but unsure of how it had affected Olivia, as she hasn't mentioned a word about it all day.

"You can and you will," Amanda replies with a quiet firmness, stroking a hand over Olivia's dark hair that is somewhat matted to her head from the snooze they had shared in the living room. "I can take the couch for the night, so you can get as much rest as possible." She doesn't mention that it would probably be best to avoid a repeat situation of how they had come to be entangled together in the sheets the night before, with Olivia half naked and Amanda's face pressed up against a certain intimate area of her upper body; even though there is a definite insistent throbbing in the lower region of her own body in response to that thought. "I can sleep on the couch tonight."

"I don't want to kick you out of your own bed," Olivia says softly, gazing up at Amanda with large dark eyes that hold a hint of guilt and a distinct amount of vulnerability, as well as something that appears to be longing. "Do you want to stay in here again?"

"Are you sure about that?" Amanda answers lightly as her heart leaps at the thought of sharing a bed with Olivia for a second night in a row, her resolution to not have a repeat of what had occurred the previous night seeming to crumble in the space of only a few seconds, as she wants nothing more than to curl up with the older woman beneath the covers once again.

"Well, it _is_ your bedroom," Olivia points out in a murmured tone, as Amanda continues to stroke a tender hand back through her unruly dark locks, seemingly unable to stop touching the other woman in some kind of capacity.

Olivia seems to welcome the gentle touch, though, and for a moment they remain there like that with Amanda standing in front of the bed and Olivia perched on the edge of the mattress, gazing at one another with unreadable expressions as she gently works her fingers over the silky brown tresses and the brunette tilts her head to side as if to give her better access. They wordlessly pull away from each other a moment later and begin getting ready for bed, Amanda setting the cough medicine beside her on the night stand just in case Olivia decides that she needs it over the course of the next several hours.

When they are tucked side by side beneath the blankets, Amanda feels an odd swell of emotion inside her chest and the urge to reach out and gather Olivia into her embrace; to soothe the strong woman next to her as it hurts to see Olivia in any kind of distress, the physical pain from her cold and the emotional one that work and the busyness of life in general has been causing lately, the little cracks of vulnerability in her friend's normally tough demeanor pulling at Amanda's heartstrings and reminding her so much of herself.

But instead of reaching out to ease a comforting arm around Olivia's shoulders and pull the taller woman into her side, Amanda remains unmoving on the bed, her fingers twitching minutely against the sheets and her mind racing a mile a minute as she is overwhelmed with thoughts of the older woman and what the future could possibly hold for them if only she had the courage to speak up.

xxxxxxxxxx

When Amanda opens her eyes to complete and utter darkness and a bed that is moving vigorously beneath her, she is quite disorientated for a moment before remembering that she had fallen asleep next to Olivia after deciding they would share her room again for the night. She realizes that the rapid movement of the mattress is coming from Olivia herself, the older woman overtaken by another nasty round of coughing and the entire bed shaking with the force of it, the brunette sitting up in the middle of the sheets with her body folded inward on itself and her head bowed down as she tries to catch her breath.

Amanda instantly scrambles up beside the shuddering form, her heart breaking as she watches Olivia curl up into a tighter ball and hears a low groan of misery emanate from her mouth after another loud cough, and she grabs the bottle of ointment off the nightstand and tries to hand it to the older woman. Olivia waves Amanda's gesture away with a pinched expression fixed on her features, the trickle of moonlight through the blinds illuminating a single tear that is trailing slowly down one cheek, and Amanda feels her own face twisting with sympathy as how utterly wretched the brunette must feel.

Olivia can't seem to get the coughing fit under control and appears to be somewhat distressed by this, so Amanda decides to slide behind the other woman on the mattress, her legs coming to rest on either side of Olivia's and her arms snaking around a spasming stomach, balancing her chin on a trembling shoulder and putting her lips right next to Olivia's ear so that she can be heard over the sound of intense coughing.

"Easy there, Liv," Amanda soothes gently, rocking them back and forth very slightly. "It's okay, I've got you. Just try to relax, alright? I'm sure it'll stop in a minute."

She feels Olivia nod against her and listens as the coughing continues for several more seconds before it finally calms down and the older woman is collapsing in slack exhaustion against her, body bowing down into the sheets as if she is too fatigued to stay upright any longer.

"Let's just sit up for a few minutes, okay, Liv?" Amanda suggests softly, picking up the discarded bottle of ointment that had slipped onto the covers with their movements. "I think it's better if you don't lie back down for a little while. The coughing is usually worse that way. And I think it's a good idea to put some of this on, okay? It really helped me out a lot last winter. It can ease some of that tightness and pain that I'm sure you're feeling right now."

"I'm too tired, Amanda." Olivia's voice is a weary and raspy whisper when she speaks, her head falling back onto Amanda's shoulder and lolling limply there. "But I really need this to stop."

Amanda bites down hard on her lower lip as the same thought that had occurred to her in the bathroom earlier makes its way into her mind again and this time she decides to put a voice to it, however inappropriate the suggestion might be. "Will you let me rub it on for you, honey?" she asks quietly, trying to control the rapid thumping of her heart as Olivia is pressed so closely into the front of her body that she can no doubt feel it.

"I wouldn't mind having you do that, but I don't want to move," the older woman murmurs after a brief hesitation, her head leaning back and their cheeks pressing together as they converse, seeming to settle more comfortably into Amanda's smaller form. "I'm too exhausted."

"You don't have to move," Amanda replies gently, her throat becoming very dry as she speaks and hoping she is not crossing a line with her next words. "It's not just for your back; you can also rub it on your neck and chest. You can stay right where you are."

The ensuing silence in the room is so acute that it might actually be possible to hear a pin drop on the carpet, and Amanda is beginning to regret her suggestion when she hears Olivia murmur her assent and watches over the older woman's shoulder as she undoes the first few buttons on the flannel pajama shirt she had borrowed from Amanda earlier. The pounding of her heart only increases with this action and Olivia's agreement to have her apply the cough medication for her, and Amanda feels exactly the same way that she had the night before when Olivia had agreed to the offer of a massage and had promptly removed her shirt for easier access.

She reaches around Olivia's limp form to unscrew the tight child-proof lid of the bottle with hands that won't stop trembling, dipping a couple of fingers inside to gather up some of the mentholated liniment before pressing the digits to Olivia's throat with a very light touch and starting to rub as carefully as she can. The brunette responds immediately to the tender contact and Amanda can feel her sinking more firmly against the front of her body as she thoroughly relaxes, her legs tightening around Olivia's and the arm that she has wrapped around the brunette's waist squeezing softly.

"I don't know what I would have done without you this weekend, Amanda," Olivia says softly after several moments of silence between them, Amanda continuing her soothing massage of Olivia's neck and slowly working her way down to the other woman's collarbones, unsure of how far she is allowed to go. "You've taken such good care of my son and I, along with Jesse and Frannie; making us feel so comfortable and at home here. And honestly, if you could take over my job as lieutenant on Monday morning, I would be very grateful for that as well."

They share a short chuckle at this statement, a warmth unfurling inside of Amanda's chest as Olivia expresses a gratitude that she doesn't often put a voice to; almost blurting out that this apartment is just as much Olivia and Noah's home as it is her and Jesse's, desperately wishing to continue living together as a family once the older woman is feeling better and is back on her feet. The sadness of their imminent separation cuts swiftly through that pleasantly simmering warmth, and Amanda is so caught up in the intensity of her conflicting feelings that she doesn't realize just how low her hand has wandered until she hears a barely audible moan.

She instantly freezes with her fingers tucked beneath the open collar of Olivia's shirt and splayed out across the top of one generously-sized breast, the smallest digit just barely grazing a puckered nipple and brushing very lightly against the hardened nub a second time when she slowly begins moving her hand upward with the intention of removing it entirely from the pajama top. A string of mortified apologizes begin falling from Amanda's lips as her palm slides up Olivia's ointment-slicked skin, her heart racing frantically in both arousal and fear at touching such an intimate part of her friend's body, ashamed that she wants to do it again and unable to get that soft moan out of her head.

Amanda freezes once more when she feels Olivia suddenly grasp onto her arm as if to hold it in place against herself, and for a moment they sit there unmoving on the sheets, their bodies pressed so closely together that they are practically molded into one being, her heart feeling like it is about to explode from her chest at Olivia's quietly uttered words.

"Please don't stop."


	5. Chapter 5

**This chapter picks up directly from where the previous one left off and has been bumped up to an "M" rating for a bit of sexual content.**

 **Thank you to everyone who wished me well on my vacation - I had a fabulous time! :)**

xxxxxxxxxx

Those three little words are ringing repeatedly in Amanda's ears, Olivia's unexpected and stunning request throwing her for such a colossal loop that for a moment she is shocked into complete and utter silence, the two of them remaining entwined together and unmoving on the bed. Amanda's palm is still poised on the upper part of Olivia's chest between her slightly jutting collarbone and the swell of her generous breast, having been brought to a halt in her frantic effort to remove her hand from Olivia's shirt once she had realized where it was placed.

Olivia herself had made Amanda stop, the older woman's fingers wrapped around her wrist in a vice-like grip as she holds Amanda's arm firmly against her body, and the minutes tick by as they perch there in the dead quiet of the night, frozen into the sheets as if one of them is waiting for the other to make a move or say something that will shatter the hush that has fallen over the room. Amanda can feel her heart beating in tandem with Olivia's, both organs racing wildly with the anticipation of what is possibly to come, and the silence is finally broken by a soft cough from the brunette in front of her, Olivia's body shaking slightly with the action.

This rips Amanda right out of her surprised and aroused lull and she begins to move her arm with the intention of pulling it entirely free from the flannel pajama shirt that it is tucked snugly inside of, when she hears those insistently whispered words again and comes to a halt once more.

"Please don't stop, Amanda."

She draws in a deep, shuddering breath at Olivia's lowered voice, the other woman's tone both sultry and unsure, and allows her hand to slowly pick up the pace again as she rubs leisurely delicate circles into skin that is slippery with mentholated ointment, the medicinal smell that surrounds them in a strong cloud of liniment oddly doing nothing to deflate Amanda's rapidly heightening desire. She keeps her fingers where they are for a moment, the digits rubbing soothing patterns into Olivia's slick flesh and teetering right on the edge of one full breast before allowing her hand to move lower, the pad of her thumb swiping gently back and forth over an erect nipple.

The second soft moan that greets her ears has Amanda's entire body on fire now, her heart threatening to burst right from her chest with the force it is beating with and causing the arm that is wrapped securely around Olivia's hips to tighten incrementally. There is a distinct heat rising up from just south of that area of Olivia's body and Amanda forces her arm to stop moving as her fingers twitch with the sudden impulse to dip lower, dancing briefly around the waistband of the flannel pajama pants before pausing in her advances. She concentrates instead on the upper part of the curvy figure that is pressed so intimately against the front of her body, granting Olivia's request when her thumb flicks over the distended pink bud once again before her fingers close around the stiff nipple and give a very gentle tug.

Olivia bucks hard into her chest and lets out a somewhat strangled noise of desire that has a similar sound emitting instantly from Amanda's own lips, and a flood of moisture pools between her legs when she realizes that the brunette is hurriedly unbuttoning her pajama shirt with fumbling fingers. Amanda watches over Olivia's shoulder as the material falls to either side of the taller woman's quivering form, her large olive-colored breasts bared in the moonlight, and for a short spell of time she just lets herself gaze appreciatively at her friend's breathtaking body before slipping both of her arms carefully around Olivia ribs.

" _Amanda."_

She shudders in pleasure as her name is dragged out in whispered passion from Olivia's parted lips, and she slides her hands very slowly up warm skin that is pebbled with goosebumps beneath the layer of ointment, covering each plump breast with a shaking palm and squeezing softly. When the other woman arches into her once again and releases a ragged groan that is distinctively louder this time, Amanda finds herself canting her hips into Olivia's behind and feels the brunette pushing back against her in response, beads of sweat popping out along her hairline and upper lip as she is scarcely able to believe that this is actually happening.

The two of them begin to strike up a deliciously sensual rhythm as they move with increasing swiftness against one another's bodies, Amanda's hands massaging Olivia's breasts more firmly now and her thumbs rubbing repeatedly over puckered nipples that have stiffened into hard peaks with the older woman's arousal. The room has filled with panting breaths and barely-stifled moans that are rising in intensity, an exquisite tingling taking up residence at the juncture of Amanda's thighs and spreading rapidly throughout the rest of her body, short sparks of electricity seeming to radiate from her limbs as her heart rate picks up to a speed that it has never reached before.

The incredible feeling of having Olivia's breasts cupped tenderly within her palms and the lieutenant's body pressed so closely into her own is causing Amanda's euphoric lust and desire to spike to fervid new heights as she hovers precariously near to explosion, promptly cresting that wave and falling dramatically before she even knows what has hit her. Starbursts of color erupt behind eyelids that have squeezed themselves shut at the intoxicating sensations that have overcome her entire body, Amanda shuddering intensely against Olivia as a prolonged moan emanates from her throat and that pleasant tingling evolves into a rush of ecstasy that leaves her breathless, becoming acutely aware of the minute stiffening and spasming of the figure seated in front of her.

Amanda sits there in stunned silence as she struggles to catch her breath, coming to the astounding realization that they have both climaxed at the exact same moment, simply from the touch of her hands on Olivia's breasts and the intimate closeness of their bodies. This has never happened to her before and is something that is entirely new and foreign to her; the ability to experience an orgasm so quickly from such a small amount of physical contact and without even being touched in return, and Amanda's cheeks heat profusely with the knowledge that it wouldn't take much to send her plummeting right over the edge once again.

A sharp cough breaks her out of the pensive stillness they have both fallen into, Olivia having lapsed into another prolonged coughing fit that forcefully shakes the bed, and she hastily turns the other woman in her embrace so that Olivia is curled up on her side against Amanda's chest, snaking an arm beneath the open pajama shirt to firmly pat the brunette on the back. Olivia wheezes into her neck for several seconds, hot breaths of air puffing onto Amanda's pebbled skin before her body goes slack and she is laying limply in her arms again, Amanda cradling the older woman protectively against her body.

"Oh god, Amanda, I am so sorry," Olivia is sputtering between sporadic coughs as she tries to pull away and sit up straight, and Amanda finds that a string of apologies are falling from her own lips at the same time, sensing a certain pattern that seems to be developing between them.

"No, _I'm_ the one who's sorry, Liv," she replies quietly, reaching out to bring the brunette back into her arms and feeling something tear inside her chest when Olivia promptly scoots out of her reach across the mattress, shame and arousal coiling so tightly within her that she can hardly differentiate one from the other at this point. "I didn't mean to take advantage of you when you're not feeling well."

"You didn't take advantage of me, Amanda; I'm the one who started it," Olivia murmurs in a low tone as she swings her legs over the side of the bed and wobbles to her feet, Amanda reaching out again to help steady her and Olivia sidestepping her touch once more.

"But I'm the one who had her hand where it didn't belong," Amanda insists in a voice that is suddenly choked with emotion, wondering if the close friendship they have shared for the past couple of years has been instantly obliterated now that they have definitively crossed that line they have been toeing for so long.

"You didn't do it on purpose," Olivia says softly as she steps toward the door of the bedroom and fixes Amanda with an unreadable expression. "And I certainly didn't stop you. But we have to stop doing _this_." The older woman gestures emphatically into the air between them before pulling the open sides of her pajama shirt tightly over her breasts and crossing her arms against her chest. "We can't keep doing this kind of thing with each other and then apologizing over and over before doing it again. We shouldn't be doing this at _all_. I'm your boss, Amanda."

"Remember the conversation we had in the bathroom earlier?" she prods gently, easing her own legs over the side of the bed and prepared to follow Olivia out of the room so they can continue this discussion if the other woman chooses to flee. "Outside of work, we're not boss and subordinate, we're not lieutenant and detective; we're just friends."

"So this is what friends do with each other?" Olivia responds wryly, an eyebrow arching skeptically as they regard one another intently in the shadowy darkness of the bedroom.

"We're _close_ friends," Amanda corrects lightly as the corner of her lip quirks up in a hopeful smile, desperate for Olivia to stay so they can try and work things out.

"I think it would be best if Noah and I went home," Olivia answers very softly, immediately shattering Amanda's hopes and causing a rush of tears to pool in her eyes.

"Well, you've said that several times now, Liv, but you're still here," she points out gently, inclining her head toward the darkened window. "And seeing as it's the middle of the night, I'm guessing Noah wouldn't be too happy if you suddenly woke him up and told him you were leaving. That would probably induce a meltdown of epic proportions and it would get Jesse going as well."

"Yes, you're probably right about that," Olivia mutters in reluctant agreement, disappointment slicing right through Amanda's relief at the older woman's next words, Olivia's tone indicating that there is absolutely no room for argument. "But we'll be leaving first thing in the morning."

They stare at each other in tense silence for a moment, Amanda willing the tears that are hovering in her eyes not to start sliding one by one down her cheeks, and she doesn't utter a single noise of dissent when Olivia announces that she will be spending the rest of the night out on the couch, swiftly turning on her heel to stride from the room and leaving Amanda gazing longingly after her.

xxxxxxxxxx

The leaves are crunching crisply beneath Amanda's shoes as she strolls along the sidewalk with Frannie's leash in one hand while pushing Jesse's stroller with the other, glancing surreptitiously at Olivia from time to time as they head toward a nearby park. The other woman is walking slightly in front of her and trying to keep an eye on Noah as the little boy bounces in joyful anticipation of their impending destination, having gotten exactly what he had wanted after throwing an ear-splitting tantrum during breakfast at Amanda's apartment earlier.

Olivia's plan of going home first thing in the morning had been shattered with the uproarious shrieks of disapproval from both Noah and Jesse upon her announcement that they would be leaving as soon as the meal was done, and it is a true testament to the older woman's poor health and extreme exhaustion at just how quickly she had given in to her son's tearful pleas to spend the rest of the weekend with his best friend. They had decided that a trip to the park would help occupy their rambunctious children while letting Frannie get some exercise, hopeful that the bright sunshine and chilly fresh air will begin to ease Olivia's harsh cough.

Amanda is secretly thrilled that they are staying longer than Olivia had planned, despite the incredible awkwardness that the dawning of a new day has brought, intending on making a huge effort to repair their damaged friendship and reinstate the relationship to its previous form of existence, even though she is aware that this is likely an impossible feat. They had crossed the line with each other in a monumental way during the night, and Amanda has been torn between immense remorse and simmering arousal since she had awoken alone in her bed a couple of hours ago and tiptoed out to the living room to see Olivia curled up adorably in a fetal position on the couch and snoring softly.

"How are you feeling, Liv?" she asks quietly as they approach the park and both kids let out screams of delight at the sight of the playground equipment and the large group of children who are laughing loudly and chasing one another throughout the brightly colored leaves.

"I'm fine, Amanda," Olivia replies with a weary sigh while they cross the busy road and Frannie lets out a sharp bark when they pass by another dog.

"We need to talk about what happened," Amanda answers with a firm note in her tone, glancing over at the older woman again to see her staring distractedly ahead, the honking of car horns and the shouts of both parents and kids alike causing a whirlwind of noise and activity around them.

"There could not possibly be a worse time to talk about this," Olivia mutters under her breath, piercing Amanda with an intensely dark stare as they enter the playground. "This is not the time or the place for this kind of discussion and you know that, Amanda. Not to mention the fact that I don't _want_ to talk about it."

"Well, I don't think we have much of a choice in the matter, do we?" Amanda challenges stubbornly as she unbuckles Jesse from her stroller and lifts her up before setting the little girl on the ground to toddle around nearby with Noah. "We both had an orgasm in my bed last night and you don't think that warrants a conversation?"

" _Amanda,"_ Olivia hisses in warning, Amanda watching as the other woman glances swiftly from side to side before spearing her with that intent and angry gaze once again. "Keep your voice down, will you? You don't have to announce it to the entire neighborhood, especially when we're with the kids. It was something that happened unexpectedly and we don't need to dwell on it. And it wasn't even that big of a deal."

"Wasn't it?" Amanda snorts in whispered disbelief, reaching out to steady Jesse as the toddler loses her balance and almost slips while climbing into the sand; knowing that this discussion is completely inappropriate but unable to stop herself from pushing just a little bit further, as the kids aren't paying any attention to them at all as they chatter away animatedly with each other. "It's not a big deal that I've never come harder in my life and you didn't even have to touch me for it to happen?"

Olivia is completely stone-faced at this honest but untimely confession, a deep blush spreading rapidly across both cheeks as she lets out a series of coughs that are muffled against one hand, Amanda automatically rubbing a brisk palm over the older woman's back in response. She can feel Olivia's muscles jumping minutely beneath her touch and she longs to pull the brunette into her arms to soothe both her physical and emotional distress, having a very hard time keeping her hands to herself. Her heart leaps hopefully inside her chest when she feels Olivia lean slightly into her body, Amanda's fingers scrubbing gently against the back of the other woman's neck as Olivia struggles to catch her breath.

"Mama, is Jesse my sister?" Noah suddenly pipes up from his spot on the ground beside the little girl, both kids crouched down in the sand and shifting it through their fingers, watching intently as the grains fall in gritty waterfalls back to the earth.

Amanda's eyebrows fly upwards in complete surprise and she sees a similar expression crossing Olivia's face at her son's innocent question, amusement at the lieutenant's loss for words warring with an ever-growing ache inside her chest, because there is nothing on this earth that she wants more.

"No, sweetheart, she's not," Olivia answers in a tight voice that wavers the tiniest bit when she speaks, her eyes meeting Amanda's own as they hold one another's gaze for a tense moment. "Why would you ask me that?"

"Because I want her to be!" Noah replies with an enthusiastic grin as he clutches onto Jesse's hand and the sand squishes between their tiny palms. "Can Jesse be my sister, Mama? Please? I wanna live at 'Manda's house. I don't wanna go home."

"Honey, we have our own apartment and Amanda and Jesse have theirs," Olivia explains gently as she threads her fingers through the little boy's hair. "We have to go home soon and get ready to go back to work and school tomorrow morning."

At the mention of work, Amanda's stomach muscles seize painfully as she is reminded of the difference in rank between the two of them at the precinct and the knowledge that they have to do their jobs side by side all day long, Olivia's warning of being Amanda's boss resounding inside her head and aware that they are not on an equal playing field once they step through the doors of the station and are ensconced in their normal daily work routine. She grits her teeth in frustration of their current situation, not wanting their positions at the precinct and the fact that they work together to play any kind of part in their evolving relationship; unable to get the image of holding Olivia half naked in her arms out of her mind, shivering slightly as she recalls the exquisite feeling of the older woman writhing against her in climax.

Noah appears to be on the verge of bursting into tears at his mother's response but is quickly distracted from the conversation by the sudden scream of another child across the playground, a parent springing up from one of the benches and charging over the sand to a small girl who has fallen from one of the monkey bars and is crying hysterically on the ground. Amanda feels close to tears herself at this point, the intense combination of her desire for both a more intimate relationship with Olivia, along with becoming the family they are already behaving as, mixing in with a certain feeling that is only growing stronger with each passing moment.

When Amanda glances over at Olivia once again, the brunette studiously avoiding her gaze now, she can see their future unfolding before her eyes and knows without a doubt that she is deeply and irrevocably in love with her best friend. Those three little words are hovering right there on the tip of her tongue, desperate for Olivia to know the true depth and state of her feelings after all the time they have spent together existing as a cohesive family unit and very well aware that there is no one else in the world she would rather be with.

She is beyond caring that this might not be the most appropriate place for such a personal and climactic revelation, Amanda's heart thudding rapidly against her ribs as she inhales a shuddering breath and parts trembling lips to finally put a voice to what she is feeling.


	6. Chapter 6

**This chapter picks up right where the last one left off.**

xxxxxxxxxx

"Olivia..."

Amanda's voice catches sharply inside her throat as she begins to speak the words she is so longing to say, her courage failing miserably when Olivia glances up from where she is tending to Noah and meets her gaze straight on. Those deep, dark orbs that had previously been avoiding her own blue ones are now boring into her eyes with an intensity that takes her breath away. It is almost as if Olivia knows exactly what she is about to say, the older woman's expression transforming from the soft look she had bestowed upon her son into the unreadable mask that Amanda has gotten used to seeing over the course of the weekend, since things have begun changing between them.

"Amanda..." Olivia's voice is trailing off uncertainly as well, as if she is trying to decide what to say, and the brunette straightens into an upright position, a slight frown pulling at her tired features. "I really don't want to continue with this line of conversation here; not in front of the kids. Can you please respect that?"

"I wasn't-" Amanda's own frown is marring her face now as she abruptly cuts herself off, and she feels her courage slipping even further out of reach in response to Olivia's request. "I wasn't going to bring that up again...what happened between us in my room during the night. I was going to say something else."

"What were you going to say, then?" There is a distinctly weary note in Olivia's tone, the other woman squinting at her through the bright sunshine and giving a ragged cough, and every last ounce of bravery has left Amanda as she takes in her friend's exhausted, sickly appearance; knowing without a doubt that Olivia is right and the playground is definitely not the time or the place for this.

"Nothing," she mumbles under her breath, turning away from Olivia to run a hand over her daughter's unruly blonde hair that she had hastily scooped up into messy pigtails before they had left the apartment earlier, Jesse giving her a wide grin in return before smearing a handful of sand across her chubby cheeks. "Just forget it, okay?"

"Amanda." Olivia's gravelly voice has softened somewhat when she responds, and Amanda feels a hand gripping onto her shoulder and giving it a tender squeeze. "Please tell me what you were going to say."

"Just forget it, Liv," Amanda repeats in a voice that is suddenly clogged with tears, busying herself with wiping the sand from Jesse's face so she doesn't have to look at Olivia. "You were right; everything I've been talking about since we got here has been very inappropriate, so maybe it's just better if we don't talk at all."

"Hey, hey, that's not what I meant," Olivia corrects gently, and Amanda is aware of the brunette trying to get her to turn around but she remains locked into position with a scowl crossing her delicate features, acting more like an immature toddler than the little girl in front of her who is currently tying to make a meal out of the sand. "Of course we can talk to each other, Amanda. I just thought it would be best to avoid certain topics of discussion while we're out with the kids, alright?"

"No problem, Liv," Amanda replies stiffly, hauling Jesse up into her arms and away from the sand, her daughter giving an outraged squeal in reply. "What I was going to say definitely falls under the category of inappropriate discussion, so I'll just keep it to myself." There is a disappointed sadness thrumming through her system now, a heartache that is spreading out to encompass her entire body; and Amanda rapidly blinks away the tears that have formed in her eyes, pulling out a pair of oversize sunglasses from her jacket pocket but knowing they won't hide her emotions if the tears start sliding down her cheeks.

She feels a couple of slightly weakened hands rubbing themselves up and down her back now; Olivia's touch not as strong as it usually is due to her cold, and Amanda has the urge to whirl around and bury herself in the taller woman's embrace, wanting nothing more than to be wrapped up in Olivia's protective arms. She can see Jesse reaching out for the brunette over her shoulder, Amanda apparently not the only one who is eager to be snuggled up into Olivia's grasp, and the other woman plucks the toddler away from her and spins Jesse around in a circle, the little girl's delighted shrieks echoing loudly across the playground.

"Jesse, come here, sweetheart," Amanda murmurs in a somewhat choked tone as she watches her daughter and best friend interact so comfortably and joyously with one another, that heartache only deepening as she continues to take in the animated display before her. "Olivia isn't feeling well. You're going to wear her out."

"It's fine, Amanda," Olivia replies lightly as she sets the little girl on her hip and bounces her up and down, Jesse giggling madly and Noah leaping up from the sand and holding his arms out to his mother, begging to be picked up as well.

A tear slips from Amanda's eye and trails slowly down her cheek before she can stop it, watching as Olivia bends over to lift her son up with a slight grunt, holding both kids in her arms and jostling them playfully while stifling a cough. Noah and Jesse can barely contain their fits of merry laughter as they push each other roughly and clown around in Olivia's arms, the older woman struggling to hold onto the children so they don't fall and attracting smiles from some of the other parents at the park. Frannie is prancing around them in an excited blur of windblown fur and muddy paws, the dog giving sharp barks from time to time, as if trying to announce that she too wants to be lifted up so she can join in the fun.

Despite such a cheerful and familial scene playing out before her eyes, Amanda can't seem to get ahold of her spiraling emotions and sucks in a shuddering breath as another traitorous tear makes a wet pathway over her skin. She can see Olivia peering closely at her now, the brunette pausing in her goofy antics with the kids and moving to stand beside her so the four of them are gathered into a tightly-knit group on the sand with Frannie jumping amidst their legs.

"Are you okay, honey?" Olivia asks softly, and Amanda bites down very hard on the inside of her cheek to hold any more forthcoming tears at bay.

"No," she whispers honestly, trying to keep her voice lowered so the kids won't hear her defeated tone over their jolly giggles. "I'm not okay."

xxxxxxxxxx

Amanda is eating a salad very quietly at her desk during lunch break at the precinct on Monday, dragging her fork slowly through the heap of lettuce and carrots and cucumbers without much interest. Her attention is continually being diverted toward the lieutenant's office, even though she trying not to make it too obvious as she glances up from her meal every so often to observe what Olivia is doing.

The older woman is currently pacing back and forth in front of the window as she talks on the phone, her continuous coughing audible even from within the noisy squad room where Fin and Carisi are engaged in a heated argument about a topic that Amanda is paying absolutely no attention to. Her co-worker's voices are just a low buzz of sound in the background as she concentrates on Olivia's form moving around inside the other room while occasionally opening the top drawer of her desk and peering at the contents inside.

There is one item in particular that keeps catching her interest; a cherished photograph that was taken when Jesse was still a baby and one she likes to look at when she is feeling low, although right now it feels something more akin to torture while she stares down at the snapshot. In the picture, she and Olivia are holding their children in front of a carousel during a photo shoot that had been suggested by Carisi, and Amanda remembers with an acute accuracy how much it had felt like they were a real family that day. Their friendship had still been so new back then, but Amanda had already felt such an intense bond between all of them that has only grown stronger with the passage of time, and she has to shut the drawer abruptly before she is swept up in a tidal wave of emotion.

They had parted ways in a very awkward fashion after their trip to the park the previous day, Amanda refusing to say what was on her mind and why she wasn't okay, despite Olivia's repeated attempts to get her to talk. There hasn't been much interaction between them since then, as Amanda and Carisi had spent the majority of the morning out in the field before returning to the station for lunch, and Olivia has been cooped up in her office dealing with the usual stressful and pressing situations that she does on a daily basis.

"So which one of us do you agree with, Amanda?"

"Huh? What?" The sudden sound of her name being said by Carisi slices right through her reverie as she locks gazes with her colleague and sees the curious tilt of his head and the questioning look in his eyes as he repeats his inquiry.

"I asked who you agree with; me or Fin?"

"That's a stupid thing to ask," the older man replies with a roll of his eyes and a flippant gesture of his hand in Amanda's direction. "Obviously she agrees with me, so I don't know why you're even bringing it up."

"I have absolutely no idea what the two of you are talking about and I don't really care," Amanda mutters in annoyance while shoving a forkful of limp salad into her mouth and chewing distastefully, throwing a quick glimpse toward the office window again before she can stop herself.

"Are you alright?" Fin asks with a concerned frown, gesturing toward her once again. "You've been awfully quiet today and you seem a little moody. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything is just fine," Amanda answers lightly, not realizing that her fingertips are still hovering near the drawer of her desk until she sees the inquisitive flick of Fin's dark eyes and hastily removes her hand.

"Why do you keep opening your top drawer?" he wants to know, his frown deepening as they regard one another. "What's so interesting in there?"

"Nothing," Amanda murmurs as she rests both hands on the surface of her desk now, determined to keep them in sight and away from any of the drawers and wincing slightly as a loud cough emanates from Olivia's office; her worry for her friend's health immediately trumping everything else at the moment.

"The lieutenant looks and sounds like complete shit today," Fin says bluntly, apparently distracted from his interrogation of Amanda as his gaze swings toward the office window where Olivia is wiping a weary hand across her face as she continues her phone conversation.

"She should be at home in bed," Carisi affirms in a no-nonsense tone, and Amanda has a quick flashback to she and Olivia moaning and writhing against each other in pleasure on her rumpled sheets, her cheeks instantly heating in a fiery blush.

She is very thankful that neither of the men seem to notice how embarrassed and uncomfortable she suddenly is with the situation as their attention is still diverted with the harsh sound of Olivia's coughing, and Amanda straightens up in her chair as she watches the older woman hang up the phone and stride over to the closed door of her office. Olivia doesn't even spare them a glance before heading down the hallway in the direction of the washrooms, and Amanda pushes back from her desk as she listens to the insistent coughing trailing behind their boss.

"I'm going to make sure she's okay," Amanda tells the guys as they murmur their agreement and she hurries down the hall in Olivia's wake, following the loud noises into the women's bathroom.

When Amanda enters the room, the brunette is bracing herself against the sink as she descends into another coughing fit, and despite the extreme awkwardness that they are presently experiencing in whatever their relationship can now be classified as, Amanda rushes right over to the other woman and puts a comforting hand against her back. "Olivia, you need to either go home and rest or go to the doctor to make sure you don't need to be on antibiotics," she says softly with a hint of firmness lacing her tone, as she begins rubbing brisk circles across the material of the lieutenant's blazer.

"It's just a cold," Olivia mutters as she catches her breath and pulls away slightly, a hurt look crossing Amanda's delicate features at what she interprets to be rejection. "I just don't want you to get sick," the older woman adds gently as their gazes meet and she obviously notices the injured look on Amanda's face. "You probably shouldn't get too close to me."

"That's such a load of crap, Liv," Amanda snorts in contempt as she rolls her eyes. "We were together all weekend so if I'm going to end up getting sick as well, it's far too late to stop it now. We shared a bed for two nights in a row and spent a lot of time in very close quarters on the couch. Stop making excuses to get away from me."

She chooses not to mention how much she had missed waking up with Olivia that morning; how her bed had already seemed so empty without the other woman's warm body snuggled up so closely beside her, and wonders if Olivia had been awake coughing for half the night again. The brunette looks fatigued and drained, but there is something else evident in her expression too; something that goes beyond just the physical illness and descends into the emotional, and Amanda cocks her head to the side as she studies Olivia with concern and curiosity.

"You're the one who pulled away," the older woman corrects quietly, and Amanda's eyebrows raise high in surprise. "You wouldn't talk to me at the park yesterday, even after telling me that you weren't okay. Do you know how worried I've been about you, Amanda?"

"Well, if you were so worried about me, why did you go home, then?" Amanda shoots back as she feels a wave of anger rising inside of her, so sick of being jerked back and forth by the woman she is in love with and tired of holding all of these feelings inside. "You're the one who didn't want to talk about anything in the first place, Olivia. So I decided that it would be best if I stopped talking about everything too."

"I didn't want to talk because we were at the park with our children and you were bringing up inappropriate topics of conversation in front of them, Amanda," Olivia snaps in return as she crosses her arms over her chest, dark eyebrows furrowing in irritation as they stare intently at each other. "I never said I didn't want to talk at all."

"Yes, you did!" Amanda throws her hands up in the air in complete exasperation as she tries to control the increasing volume of her voice, not wanting anyone inside the squad room to hear them arguing. "You must be suffering from some short-term memory loss, Liv, because that's _exactly_ what you said; that you didn't want to talk about it."

She grits her teeth as those unwanted tears well up in her eyes yet again, just like they had at the park the previous day, and this time she is absolutely determined to keep them falling in front of the other woman; not wanting to humiliate herself anymore than she already has. "Was it really that bad?" she whispers in a somewhat choked tone, unable to keep the extreme hurt from infusing her words. "Was being with me really so terrible? Especially since it wasn't even that big of a deal, just like you said. We barely even did anything."

"Yes, that's precisely the _point_ ," Olivia mutters under her breath, the brunette's hands coming up to cover her eyes. "We barely even did anything; you hardly even touched me, but I still couldn't stop myself from..."

"Is that what this is about?" Amanda replies with a deepening frown as Olivia's voice trails off and she takes a chance, stepping closer to the trembling form of the lieutenant and laying her hands lightly upon Olivia's forearms. "Are you embarrassed? Because if anyone should be embarrassed here, Liv, it's _me_. You weren't even touching me and I wasn't able keep myself under control."

She takes a deep breath as Olivia slowly lowers her arms away from her face and reaches out to link her fingers with the other woman's, continuing to speak in a soft tone of voice and squeezing gently, not even caring if the bathroom door bangs open right this very second and someone barges in to witness this private moment. "To be honest, Liv, it's getting harder and harder to control myself around you lately," Amanda continues sincerely, her heart rate picking up the pace as she moves even closer to the taller figure.

"Amanda, remember when we were talking about how inappropriate it was to have this discussion at the park?" Olivia reminds her quietly as she gently disentangles their joined hands and takes another step backwards. "Do you really think this a better place to have this talk? At the bathroom in the precinct where anyone can just walk right in at any time?"

"Well, where would you like to have this conversation then, Liv?" Amanda asks flatly, scrubbing her hands over her face in frustration, as all she wants to do is reach out and pull Olivia into her embrace, desperate to be in her arms. "Or are you still not wanting to talk about it at all? Because I gotta tell you, I don't think that's really going to work out too well for me."

"Amanda, I'm your-"

"Yeah, yeah," she cuts in sharply before Olivia can finish her sentence, holding a hand up in the air as if she can ward off the words she has heard a few times now and is already getting tired of. "I know you're my boss and I'm your subordinate. You've mentioned that already, as if I could ever possibly forget. But you know what, Olivia? I don't give a shit, okay? I meant what I said at my apartment the other night; that what we are to each other outside of work is no one's business but our own. This has nothing to do with our jobs. Our relationship, or whatever the hell you want to call this mess, is just between us and no one else."

"But Amanda, it's _not_ just between us," Olivia insists softly, smothering a cough with one hand, Amanda's throat tightening as she sees the sheen of tears in the other woman's eyes. "Not when we've taken things from friendship to something else entirely; not when we've crossed the boundary line with each other more than once now. If someone were to find out about what we've been doing, the consequences of our actions-"

"I don't care about the consequences," Amanda interrupts bluntly as she spins on her heel with the intention of marching from the room, terrified that she is going to burst into tears if she keeps talking. "You're just making excuses because you're either scared to be with me or you don't _want_ to be with me. But from the sounds I heard coming out of your mouth on Saturday night, I don't think it's the latter. And _you_ were the one who didn't want me to let go of you and pull away when we were in my bed; _you_ were the one who wanted me to keep touching you."

There is a deep blush of acknowledgment infusing Olivia's cheeks with bright spots of color when Amanda throws a glance over her shoulder, and she doesn't admit that she wanted to keep touching Olivia just as badly; that she is having trouble refraining from touching her even now while they are snarling at one another in the precinct bathroom and she is desperately trying to keep her angry and frustrated tears at bay.

"Amanda, I just-" Olivia appears completely torn and momentarily lost for words as she stands there quivering and coughing, and Amanda feels a sharp pang of guilt and regret for following Olivia into the bathroom when she had already pretty much figured this was the way things were going to play out between them; that Olivia is sick and exhausted and she just keeps pushing and pushing with this line of conversation. "I just don't know what to do...how to proceed from here...if we should stop seeing each other outside of work altogether or if we should continue on with the way we're going and see what happens..."

Olivia looks entirely deflated now, her shoulders slumping in defeat and her head hanging down in confusion; so unlike the tough-boss persona that she usually displays at the precinct, and Amanda's heart aches deeply for her despite the utter turmoil she is in, the older woman's indecision causing her own abrupt uncertainty. She can't seem to stop the next words that fall from her parted lips, however; the sentence spewing out of her mouth in whispered admission before she can put a halt to it.

"Well, I'm in love with you, Olivia, so I don't know what to do either."


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter picks up right where the previous one left off.**

 **For those of you who are also following "Hidden Scars", I apologize once again for the long wait between updates. I was doing very well for a little while with getting new chapters posted in a more timely fashion, but that story just isn't coming as easily to me as my other fics are right now. I'm going to work on it this weekend, though, so hopefully I will be able to update it again soon. :)**

xxxxxxxxxx

If feels as if a giant golf ball has lodged itself very deeply inside Amanda's throat as she stares fearfully at Olivia without blinking; shocked into silence by the words that have just come bursting forth from her own mouth, seemingly without permission, and desperately wishing there was some way she could take them back.

It is far too soon for such a monumental admission of her feelings, especially since Olivia can barely bring herself to admit that there is anything going on between them that rises above the level of friendship, and Amanda is instantly scrambling to somehow make light of this confession; to possibly brush it off as a joke even though she has never been more serious about anything in her entire life.

As she parts her lips to speak and continues to will back the tears that are pricking stubbornly at her eyelids, terrified that she has ruined the chance of anything happening between the two of them because she can't keep her big mouth shut, Amanda frowns when she notices that Olivia's knees are buckling slightly and the older woman is clutching onto the sink with trembling fingertips.

"Wow, I've never had anyone actually go weak in the knees after I've said those three little words to them," Amanda chuckles nervously, her fear immediately switching from the potential of killing any kind of further relationship with Olivia to the failing state of the older woman's health. "Are you alright, Liv? Do I need to call a bus?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Olivia wheezes with a ragged cough as she wobbles unsteadily on her feet, Amanda springing forward right away to wrap her arms tightly around the brunette's waist and fully prepared to hoist the lieutenant back up if she falls. "I'm just having some trouble catching my breath."

"Okay, Liv, having trouble breathing doesn't sound like someone who is fine to me," Amanda replies sternly, rolling her eyes at the other woman's ridiculous behavior and internally acknowledging that Olivia is even more stubborn than she herself is when it comes to admitting that she isn't feeling well and needs some prompt medical attention. "We're going to the emergency room right now."

"What? Like hell we are, Amanda; it's the middle of a work day," Olivia protests instantly, her shuddering form stiffening with a bone-rattling cough that sounds from deep inside her chest and the noise reverberating swiftly throughout Amanda's own body.

"It doesn't matter what time of day it is," Amanda answers firmly, giving a slight grunt when she feels Olivia slumping more heavily against her. "The afternoon doesn't look like it's going to be too busy, so I'm sure the boys can survive without us for the rest of the day."

 _"Us?"_ Olivia repeats with an incredulous note in her tone, their gazes meeting and locking intently, and Amanda can see it in the taller woman's eyes; just how ill and exhausted she is. "I didn't give you permission to take the afternoon off work, Amanda. And if I do end up going to the emergency room, I'm certainly more than capable of taking myself there."

"Oh, really?" Amanda challenges skeptically, arching an eyebrow high on her forehead in response. "Yeah, you're looking pretty capable right now, Liv. You're practically collapsed in my arms and can barely walk or talk or breathe because you're so sick, so it shouldn't be _if_ you're going to the emergency room, it should be _when._ Which is right now, by the way. We're leaving."

"Rollins-"

"Don't you dare argue with me, Olivia," she snaps in return, feeling a spike of annoyance that slices right through her concern at the obnoxious use of her last name and her boss' petulant attitude, and not bothering to give her a chance to finish. "You've neglected your health for long enough."

"Rollins-"

"I'm giving you two choices," she promptly cuts in with a note of authority when Olivia tries to fight her on the subject again, reminded of how she is only called by her surname when the brunette is extremely pissed off, but choosing not to back down. "Either I can drive you to the hospital or I can call a bus. So what's it going to be?"

In spite of the rapidly deteriorating state of Olivia's health, Amanda can't seem to help getting under her skin a little as she adds on a snarky reply to her own question. "Based on the conversation we just had, I know you're not too fond of calling attention to your personal life, so I'm guessing you're not going to enjoy being strapped to a gurney and carted out of the precinct in front of all of your colleagues."

" _Fuck,"_ she hears Olivia mutter dejectedly under her breath, and despite the seriousness of their current circumstances, Amanda can't help the surprised and amused laugh that emits from her mouth, not at all used to hearing her lieutenant curse inside the station.

" _Fine,"_ the older woman acquiesces with a defeated sigh, Amanda's eyelids fluttering briefly closed in relief before flying back open again at Olivia's snippy response. "You can drive me. But you can also consider this half of one of your vacation days, since you'll be taking the entire afternoon off."

"Oh yeah, this is quite a vacation," Amanda grumbles in irritation as she begins to lead Olivia very slowly from the room, keeping both arms locked in a firm grip around the taller woman's waist and praying that Olivia will be able to remain upright at least until they leave the building. "Taking my cranky and ungrateful boss to spend an unknown amount of time in a germ-infested emergency ward. Yup, vacations definitely don't get any better than this!"

xxxxxxxxxx

"Ugh, I feel like death," Olivia moans in gravelly-voiced exhaustion, her proclamation followed by a series of hacking coughs and causing Amanda to get up from her chair in the tiny curtained-off cubicle and stand beside the hospital bed to rub her hand in soothing circles across the brunette's back.

"Well, you look like death too," she confirms bluntly, smirking slightly when Olivia turns her head to level a sharp glare in her direction, the gravity of the gesture somewhat diluted by the breathing tube that is running beneath her nose and hooked behind her ears, as well as the IV that is protruding from her arm and the striped hospital gown she is clad in.

"This is what happens when you don't take care of yourself properly, Liv," Amanda chastises lightly, her heart rate quickening when she feels her fingertips accidentally brushing against the warm bare skin of the other woman's back, the sides of the flimsy gown gaping open enough to reveal a delicate length of spine and one smooth shoulder blade. "You get diagnosed with bronchitis and get to spend half the day in the emergency room while receiving antibiotics through an IV after getting your chest x-rayed. You need to start taking better care of yourself."

"Are you my mother now?" Olivia complains with a raspy cough, Amanda's smirk widening into a full-fledged grin at the whiny, immature note in the older woman's tone, Olivia resembling an overgrown child all huddled up in the narrow bed, gown askew and hair mussed, while sporting an adorable pout.

"After what we did together the other night, you probably shouldn't be referring to me as your mother," Amanda teases lightly under her breath, Olivia's glare only deepening as she spears her with those large dark eyes, the intensity of her stare quite impressive considering how awful she currently feels and the amount of drugs she is now on.

"Why do you have to keep bringing that up?" the brunette murmurs in irritation, laying her head down on her bent knees as she appears to brace herself against another bed-shaking cough.

"Why do you keep avoiding it?" Amanda replies in a low tone, as she continues to rub brisk circles into Olivia's quivering back.

"You already know why." Olivia's voice has dropped down to a hoarse whisper as she speaks, her expression sliding into that unreadable mask once again.

"Because you're scared that we'll get caught?" Amanda can't seem to help herself from pushing just a little bit further on this sore subject, as she doesn't think she will be able to just let it drop, despite wishing she could take back those three little words she had blurted out so thoughtlessly in the precinct bathroom earlier in the day.

That short sentence has been tormenting her during the hours she has spent here with Olivia, waiting patiently for the other woman to be examined by a doctor and become more stabilized with fluids and medication after receiving the diagnosis of bronchitis from her chest x-rays. The brunette has not uttered a single word one way or the other on the subject, remaining tight-lipped on any sort of discussion that might veer towards their strange and confusing relationship, and Amanda is so desperate to hear what Olivia has to say in response that she feels like she is on the verge of completely losing her mind.

"Amanda, it goes so much deeper than the possibility of just getting caught," Olivia sighs in exasperation, as she drags a hand back through the tangled brown locks that are tumbling around her shoulders.

"It does?" Amanda asks softly in surprise, her hand stilling against the older woman's back as she contemplates the other possible reasons for Olivia's hesitance and tries to ignore the tiniest bit of hope that begins to intertwine with all of the negativity, absolutely terrified of being rejected by the woman she is in love with. "Then tell me about it. Talk to me."

"I don't want to have this discussion here." Olivia's voice is firm as Amanda's hand drops away from her back and comes to rest down at her side, standing beside the bed on legs that are trembling with a combination of worry, annoyance and nerves.

"Well, geez, Liv, is there anywhere you _do_ want to talk?" she asks in disbelief, throwing her hands up in the air before raking them back through her hair and mirroring Olivia's own gesture from a moment ago. "We can't talk at the park, at the precinct, at the hospital..."

"Because every single one of those places are extremely inappropriate," Olivia hisses in return, as another loud cough ripples through her body.

"We have hours to kill here, Olivia, but you're shooting down yet another chance to have a serious conversation on this topic," Amanda replies wearily as she sits back down in the hard plastic chair that is positioned beside the bed. "Our kids aren't here and neither are our colleagues, so there's no chance that someone who shouldn't be listening to us will overhear what we're saying. And it's a complete zoo in here so I highly doubt there are any strangers listening in either. It's so damn loud, I can barely hear myself think."

"You just never let up with this, do you? Not even when I feel like death," Olivia grumbles unhappily as she turns away to grab a cup of water off the bedside table in a likely attempt to soothe her raw throat, the guilt that has overtaken Amanda on her constant badgering of the subject quickly giving way to arousal when the hospital gown gapes widely at the back and reveals a large portion of bare skin, including twin globes of toned flesh that lift slightly off the mattress as Olivia leans over.

"Uh, Liv? You know you didn't have to take your underwear off for a chest x-ray, right?" Amanda stutters out, as her gaze quickly becomes fixated on the beautiful olive skin of the other woman's body.

"They said to take everything underneath my gown off," Olivia replies defensively, as she throws an embarrassed glance over her shoulder and seems to realize that her nude lower half is now somewhat visible.

"I think they meant anything above your waist, honey," Amanda says in amusement as she watches the brunette settle back down against the sheets with a large cup of water clutched in her hand and a straw protruding from the lid. "Just your bra, Liv; not your panties."

Amanda can't help but smile tenderly at the dark stain of color that is currently blooming across Olivia's cheeks, and thinks she might have set a record for the number of times she has made the older woman blush lately. "But you do look very cute in a gown, though," she adds gently, trying to assuage some of the embarrassment that Olivia is presently exhibiting and wishing her friend didn't have to feel this way in front of her.

"Gee, thanks," she hears Olivia mutter grumpily under her breath as she plunks the cup of water back down on the table after taking a sip; but noticing the slightly quirked slant of the brunette's lips, like she too has been able to find some mirth in a less than ideal situation.

"You're also cute when you're grouchy," Amanda continues lightly, as she stands back up beside the bed with a sudden urge to pull Olivia into her embrace and hug away all of her aches and pains.

"I'm not cute," Olivia murmurs in disagreement as she crosses her arms over her chest, and Amanda can't help but think how much she resembles both Noah and Jesse when they are throwing their epic tantrums or glowering sullenly in a corner when things don't go their way.

"Yes, you are," she argues with a smirk, reaching out to smooth her hand affectionately over the older woman's tangled hair and finding her behavior quite endearing instead of annoying. "I hate to break it to you, Liv, but you are actually downright adorable."

"Oh my god, Amanda, please stop talking," Olivia moans in response, but Amanda can detect a trace of shy pleasure in the lieutenant's voice, and despite the fact that the past few days have been a crazy mix of emotional extremes and she has absolutely no idea where she stands with the other woman, she pulls Olivia against her chest and presses a soft kiss to the top of her head.

"I'm glad you finally got some medical attention and you're going to be okay, Liv," Amanda says quietly, her heart rate picking up the pace when she feels Olivia's arms sliding around her hips in return and the brunette holding her close. "You gave me quite a scare in the bathroom earlier. I was so worried about you."

Olivia doesn't verbally reply but Amanda feels the older woman's arms tightening around her in response, and decides to dip a hesitant toe back into their previous conversation. "And speaking of scaring each other in the bathroom...is there any chance you were too delirious from fever to remember what I said earlier?"

"My fever isn't that high, Amanda," Olivia answers wryly, as she emits a short chuckle follow by a loud cough. "There's nothing wrong with my brain."

"Hmm, too bad," Amanda remarks lightly, smiling with a mixture of levity and trepidation when she feels Olivia's fingers gently pinching her side, and wondering if the other woman is actually going to address what was said or if she is going to continue to sweep it under the rug like it had never happened.

"I really need these antibiotics to start kicking in," Olivia responds abruptly, and Amanda's eyebrows raise high in question, as that was not the reply she was expecting.

"Why? So you can finally start feeling better?" she asks gently, letting her palm come to rest against Olivia's warm forehead in a tender gesture and frowning when there is no immediate answer, the silence stretching out between them for several seconds before Olivia speaks again in a whispered tone.

"No, because I really want to kiss you but I don't want to do it while I'm still contagious."

Amanda's mouth drops open in complete shock, her heart instantly threatening to burst right out of her chest at this startling announcement, and that trace of hope combined with her simmering arousal is suddenly about to explode into a messy mix of emotions. "You are a very confusing and frustrating woman, Olivia Benson."

"I know that," she hears the older woman mumble in a barely audible tone as they continue to hold one another tightly, Olivia's face pressed into Amanda's chest and Amanda's arms wound securely around her friend's back, feeling the crackling wheezes beneath her palms and rubbing her hands soothingly over the paper-thin material of the hospital gown. "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry," she replies lightly, giving the back of Olivia's neck a very gentle squeeze and carefully avoiding the IV line as they embrace each other comfortably.

"But what you do need to do is get your butt back over to my apartment as soon as possible, do you hear me? When you're released from this hellhole, I'm going to get you settled in at my place so you can start to recuperate and then I'm going to pick up the kids and bring them-" Amanda cuts herself off swiftly just as she is about to say 'home', remembering with an acute pain in her chest that Olivia had gently discouraged Noah from this line of thinking when the little boy had innocently asked if Jesse was his sister and had voiced his wish for all of them to live together.

"Uh, I'm going to pick the kids up and bring them to my apartment," she hastily corrects, smoothing a tender hand over an olive cheekbone when Olivia moves her head to gaze up at her, the other woman's arms wrapped around her waist and her chin resting against her chest. "And I don't want to hear any arguments on the subject," Amanda adds in a sterner tone of voice, her heart fluttering in her chest when a sheepish yet captivating smile graces Olivia's lips and the brunette presses her face into her shirt once again.

"Yes, ma'am," she hears Olivia mutter with a trace a humor and thankfulness, and something else mixed into her tone that she can't quite decipher; something that seems to go much deeper than any kind of surface emotion.

"You're going to let me take proper care of you this time," Amanda continues with gentle authority, as she hugs Olivia's weakened form closer to her own body and drops another delicate kiss onto the top of her head. "I'm going to make sure you get back on your feet again so we can avoid another near-collapse in the precinct bathroom." An amused smirk spreads across her face when she can't seem to help adding one last flirtatious and teasing remark just to get underneath the lieutenant's skin, because no one in her life has ever driven her crazier than Olivia has.

"And maybe if you're lucky, I'll even give you a sponge bath."


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm working on chapter 10 of "Hidden Scars" and the final chapter of "White Ink" but this story seems to be coming more easily to me at the moment, so it ended up getting another update before my other fics. I hope to have new chapters of my other stories posted soon, though! :)  
**

xxxxxxxxxx

It is late in the afternoon on a rainy, dull Saturday, and Amanda is standing in the middle of the living room with one hand covering her face in sheer frustration and the other holding her phone high up into the air, hoping that her hastily thought-out plan will work as an adequate method of distraction. Bruno Mars' "Uptown Funk" comes blasting through the speaker at top volume and she peeks curiously through her fingers to see Noah, Jesse and Frannie come to an immediate halt in front of the couch where Olivia is curled up inside a nest of blankets and somehow dozing on and off in the midst of all the chaos.

The trio of troublemakers consisting of two kids and one dog instantly abandon their wildly loud sprint around the piece of furniture; a pursuit that had started when Noah had swiped one of Jesse's blocks while they had been building a tower on the floor in front of the TV, and had taken off before the little girl could catch him. After letting out an ear-piercing scream of absolute fury in response, the toddler had given chase right away on chubby, somewhat unsteady legs; Frannie following enthusiastically in pursuit and barking her encouragement at the sudden flurry of activity.

"Well, what are you guys waiting for?" Amanda announces desperately over the deafening sound of the music, arching an impatient eyebrow while raising her phone as high as she can above her head so the noise is permeating every square inch of the apartment. "Let's see those dance moves!"

She breathes a deep sigh of relief as it only takes Noah and Jesse a split second to comply with her order, the shrieking and fighting swiftly replaced by giggles and chatter as they begin to move excitedly with the melody, Frannie prancing in a cheerful circle around their small bodies. Olivia is giving her the thumbs-up sign from her cozy position on the cushions and Amanda grins tiredly in response, flashing the same signal back at the other woman before deciding to join in herself with the impromptu dance party.

It has been five days since the seemingly endless amount of hours she had spent cooped up in the emergency room with Olivia, and Amanda is pretty sure that she is about to collapse from complete and utter exhaustion; wanting nothing more than to cuddle up next to the brunette on the couch but afraid that she won't be able to get back up again if she lets herself take a much-needed break.

The past several days have been a whirlwind of craziness as Amanda has struggled to balance the long hours of work at the precinct with taking care of everyone at home, and she had been looking forward to a quiet weekend of nothing but rest and relaxation. She should have known better, though, as her expectations of peaceful calm have so far proven to be unfounded; the terrible weather provoking some feelings of extreme restlessness that are bordering on insanity, and every single occupant of the apartment seeming to find something to complain about or a reason to argue with each another.

Based on the less than stellar behavior of everyone over the past week, Amanda feels like she has been taking care of three toddlers instead of one, as her dog's listening skills have proven to be far more superior than the entire combined skill set of the humans in the home; along with witnessing meltdown after meltdown when someone doesn't get their own way. It had been the understatement of the year when Olivia had mentioned that Noah was going through a stage, as the little boy has been throwing more temper tantrums than Jesse has, although the toddler has still been engaging in her fair share of them; Frannie only making things worse by throwing her head back and joining in with a long howl each and every time one of the kids has an outburst.

Despite her agreement in the hospital to let Amanda take proper care of her once she was released, Olivia has proven to be an absolutely terrible patient as she recovers from her severe bout of bronchitis; the older woman constantly trying to help out with the kids and the meals and the chores, even when she has been too weak to get out of bed, and whining profusely when Amanda has put her foot down and said no. The lieutenant has been downright unpleasant and irritable at the best of times, and Amanda has found herself gritting her teeth in frustration during many of their encounters during the day, only finding solace at night when they are snuggled up side by side together in her bed, Olivia taking refuge in her arms and pressing her face into Amanda's neck before drifting off to sleep.

Her only saving grace this past week is that by some miraculous turn of events, no one else has gotten sick; at least so far. Amanda figures if the rest of them aren't ill by now, they might have entirely escaped catching Olivia's bronchitis, and she feels an immense amount of relief at not having to care for anyone else who is acting like a giant, ungrateful brat while they are sick.

The amount of noise inside the apartment that day has been so acute that Amanda figures her neighbors can't possibly hate her any more than they already do, while she blasts her music as a distraction from the fighting and a way for the kids to burn off their excess energy. She has quite a vast collection of random songs on her phone that span the course of the last several decades, from the nineteen-fifties up until the most recently released recordings, and Amanda finds herself unwinding bit by bit as she continues to dance with the kids and starts throwing in some silly moves to make everyone laugh.

Noah and Jesse are holding hands and spinning each other around when the lyrics ' _I'm too hot (hot damn)'_ come blaring out of the speaker, and Amanda takes the opportunity to tease Olivia while they are not paying attention; cocking her hip with one hand planted on her waist and fanning herself dramatically with the other while singing along to the lyrics. She is very amused to observe Olivia immediately going red in the face at her silly gestures, as the older woman so often seems to do around her now, and Amanda continues to ham it up until the end of the song, when "Uptown Funk" is replaced by "Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)".

Everyone is in hysterics as Amanda and the kids try to imitate the signature dance moves that they know by heart from the video they have all watched multiple times in the past, Jesse quickly stumbling over her own feet before righting herself but Noah actually getting a few of the moves down perfectly. She chuckles in delighted surprise at the little boy's dance skills, Olivia remarking proudly at how talented he is as she beams at her son and Amanda smiling gratefully when the brunette lavishes Jesse with praise right afterwards, even though the toddler is not doing much more than jumping up and down, along with repeatedly falling over.

As the song continues, Amanda throws another quick glance over at Olivia to see that the brunette's dark eyes are fixed right upon her once again, lips quirked in amusement and something that looks to be desire shimmering in the other woman's intent gaze, and she is surprised and gratified that such a goofy dance is able to evoke this type of reaction from her. She has a brief, arousing thought of doing an entirely different kind of dance whenever the kids are tucked into bed for the night; one that involves shedding all of her clothing while she grinds sensually on Olivia's lap. Amanda can feel her cheeks becoming flushed in response to the carnal images playing out inside her head, and she has to push down the sudden urge to send Noah and Jesse to bed a few hours early so that she can have her way with Olivia right there on the couch.

The only plus side to being completely run off her feet for the past week is that Amanda hasn't had much time to focus on her untimely confession of love to the older woman in the precinct bathroom before Olivia had practically collapsed into her arms in response, and neither one of them have mentioned it at all throughout the ensuing days, even when they have been alone. Amanda still has no idea where they stand with each other, as the only form of intimacy they have shared while Olivia has been recovering from her illness is their bedtime snuggles every night, and she has decided to stop pushing on the subject altogether and wait for the brunette to make the next move; recognizing that her demands for Olivia to acknowledge her feelings, especially while sick, have been selfish and unreasonable.

When a slow ballad begins playing through the speaker, Dionne Warwick's "I'll Never Love This Way Again", the kids and Frannie seem to grow bored of the activity and take off to play in Jesse's bedroom, Amanda's blue eyes locking onto Olivia's brown orbs and thinking what an appropriate song choice this is for her current predicament.

"I didn't peg you for someone who enjoys listening to cheesy love songs from the seventies, Rollins," Olivia remarks with a snicker, arching a questioning eyebrow when Amanda holds out an inviting hand toward her.

"Come dance with me, Liv," she says softly, linking their fingers together and giving a tentative tug while resisting the urge to roll her eyes at the obnoxious use of her last name. "It's okay, it's just a slow one. It's not too strenuous."

Amanda is surprised when Olivia complies with her request right away and gets up from the couch to stand on legs that wobble slightly with the effort, and she draws the taller woman into her arms so they are holding onto one another lightly. "Are you mad at me?" she asks quietly as they sway back and forth together, feeling Olivia pull away somewhat in response, although her arms remain looped around Amanda's neck, the brunette fixing her with a puzzled expression.

"No, of course not. Why would I be mad at you?" Olivia sounds genuinely confused when she speaks, and Amanda tightens the hold she has on her friend's waist.

"You called me Rollins," she murmurs in reply, shrugging with feigned indifference while their gazes lock intensely onto each other once again. "You only call me that when you're pissed off with me. What did I do this time? Was the dance party too loud while you're still recovering?"

"Amanda, I think the dance party has actually been the quietest part of the day so far," Olivia answers wryly, both of them chuckling at this truthful comment. "It was a good idea, even though it didn't last for very long. It's pretty hard to keep them both entertained, isn't it?"

Amanda nods in return, allowing her shoulders to droop in exhaustion and letting her head bow down toward her chest as she thinks back to the non-stop chaos of the week, a warm feeling unfurling inside when Olivia gathers her closer and she buries her face into the older woman's neck.

"I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for Noah and I over the past several days," Olivia says gently into her ear as they continue to move slowly together to the languid, pleasant melody. "You've done such an amazing job with everything; so no, I'm definitely not mad at you, honey. Sometimes I think I use your last name just to hold you at arm's length when you're getting too close."

"Well, you're not holding me at arm's length right now, Liv," Amanda mumbles into the brunette's neck as she resists the urge to press a kiss to the warm, sweet-smelling skin there. "But we don't have to keep doing this if I'm getting too close for comfort."

The double meaning in her words is entirely evident, as not only is she referring to the fact that they are leaning heavily upon one another's bodies as they sway back and forth to the music, heads laying comfortably on shoulders and arms wound snugly around backs, but to her frequent and irritating pushing for Olivia to discuss their odd relationship. Amanda feels Olivia stiffen slightly in acknowledgment of what she has said, stunned when the gesture that she had just wanted to impart upon the older woman is being planted on her own neck instead, Olivia's lips meeting her skin and lingering there for a moment before pulling away; pleasant tingles radiating all the way down to Amanda's toes in response.

"You're not too close," she hears Olivia whisper in a breathy tone and Amanda's arms tighten once again around the curvy figure she is clutching onto, a swell of hope rising inside as she turns her head to whisper back to Olivia, her mouth hovering at the shell of the other woman's ear and very conscious of keeping her voice down.

"You know, I haven't given you that sponge bath yet," Amanda says as softly as she can, smiling into Olivia's hair when she feels the brunette jerk suddenly against her in surprise.

"I don't think I'm sick enough for a sponge bath anymore," Olivia murmurs in reply after a brief pause, Amanda's heart rate picking up the pace as she feels the lieutenant's do the same.

"Who says you have to be sick?" she replies cheekily, the song on her phone switching to another romantic ballad from several decades ago, like the device is acutely aware of the change of atmosphere inside the room. "My offer still stands, regardless of the state of your health, and I'm available to sponge you down at any time of the day or night, including during the afternoon on a rainy, chaotic Saturday..."

"Amanda, the kids are still awake." Olivia's answer sounds quite breathless this time, but Amanda doesn't think it is a cause of her illness anymore; the rampant desire that always seems to be simmering just beneath the surface threatening to make a physical appearance as she has the sudden urge to push Olivia back onto the cushions and straddle her right then and there.

"So let's put them to bed right now," she responds with a casual shrug, wondering for a split second if they would actually be able to fool the kids into thinking that it's the evening already, as the rain and gloom outside the windows is lending the late afternoon a look of an hour that is much closer to midnight.

"They haven't even had dinner yet," Olivia protests as she lets out a low chuckle, and Amanda's breath catches sharply inside her throat when she feels a velvety pair of lips pressing themselves to her neck once again, tilting her head to the side to give her friend better access.

"So they miss one meal, big deal," Amanda jokes in a somewhat strained tone, wanting nothing more than to grab Olivia's hand and tug her into the bedroom down the hall, but this time doing much more than merely cuddling beneath the covers together.

"Oh yeah, because they haven't been cranky enough so let's deprive of them of a meal and see how that works out," Olivia answers dryly as she pulls back just enough so that Amanda can see the derisive roll of her dark eyes.

"You're not really one to talk about being cranky, Liv," Amanda points out lightly, watching as the other woman's eyebrows draw together in a frown. "I feel like this entire week has been one long battle with your crazy mood swings and the bronchitis was thrown in for good measure, just to make things more annoying for me."

"Annoying for _you_? I'm the one who's been sick," Olivia pouts plaintively, Amanda grinning and pulling the brunette against her once more, very amused at the different sides of the woman she loves; the tough lieutenant who kicks ass on a daily basis and the vulnerable figure in front of her who either feels the need to whine like a toddler when she is ill or insist that she is fine, even while on the verge of collapse.

"Yes, you've been my sickly overgrown baby," she acknowledges with a drained laugh, holding on tightly to the other woman's body when Olivia tries to pull away from her with an indignant scowl, and the two of them breaking into exhausted laughter as they slump against each other once more and sway slightly in a fatigued parody of a dance.

"Well, I guess I've been a bit immature this past week," Olivia finally admits in a barely audible tone, Amanda grinning triumphantly against her shoulder and pinching her ribs playfully.

"Yeah, I'm not going to argue with you, Liv," she snickers quietly, unable to resist placing her mouth on the enticing skin of Olivia's neck and hearing a soft gasp from the brunette in response. "You know we still haven't kissed properly yet, right? I seem to recall you mentioning something about kissing me when you were feeling better..."

"I'm still worried about being contagious," Olivia breathes out in a somewhat choked tone as Amanda grazes her teeth lightly against the goosebumps that are now lining her neck.

"You've been on the antibiotics for five straight days now, so I doubt you're contagious anymore. And you're barely coughing at all either," Amanda replies quickly, lowering her voice to a more seductive tone and running her fingernails lightly up and down Olivia's back before dipping them beneath her shirt to graze heated bare skin. "But if you're still too afraid of us kissing each other on the lips, there are plenty of other places on our bodies where we can do that instead. Although kissing you on the neck again is not really what I have in mind right now. I was thinking of somewhere a little lower..."

" _Amanda,"_ Olivia whimpers softly as she begins drawing a slow fingertip up and down the other woman's spine, her hand still tucked underneath the back of the lieutenant's shirt while pressing their foreheads together so they are panting quietly into one another's open mouths. "The kids might come back out here. We need to stop."

"You know, it's suspiciously silent in there right now," Amanda observes with a sudden wariness, cocking her head to listen for any sort of noise but not hearing a sound from the wild kids or the hyper dog who haven't been able to calm down all day. "That can't be a good thing."

"Let's go check it out," Olivia replies with the same cautious tone, Amanda entwining her fingers with the older woman's before heading the short distance to Jesse's bedroom and peering carefully inside.

The sweet scene they are greeted with while pausing together in the doorway instantly induces twin sighs of relief that the fully expected disaster hasn't actually struck, but is instead the complete opposite. Noah and Jesse are lying side by side on the tiny toddler bed, both kids sound asleep with several children's books surrounding their small forms on the pink and purple quilt, and Frannie sprawled out across the floor below them in a slumbering pile of furry limbs.

Amanda finds it very endearing that although neither one of the kids are able to read yet, they often make up their own incoherent plotlines from the jumble of words they see on the pages and pretend they are reading stories to one another, the babble of childish voices frequently permeating the apartment as they pick out their favorite tales from her daughter's large collection of books. She leans her head on Olivia's shoulder as they stand there hand in hand while observing their dozing children, smiling when she feels the brunette's head come to rest on top of her own and a gentle squeeze being given to her fingers.

"The kids must have been reading our minds and are finally giving us the break that we deserve," Amanda whispers with an appreciative chuckle as she tugs Olivia away from the bedroom door, determined to keep as quiet as possible so they will continue napping. "Well, either that or they've completely worn themselves out by acting like crazy little monsters all day."

"We should probably stop what we were doing, though," Olivia insists in a somewhat reluctant tone, Amanda stopping short as the older woman comes to an abrupt halt in front of the bedroom they have been sharing for the past week, her voice sounding somewhat hesitant when she continues speaking. "And I need to get changed."

"Why, what's wrong with the outfit you're wearing?" Amanda asks in confusion as she pulls her hand away from Olivia's and looks the other woman up and down, not noticing anything out of the ordinary with her comfortable sweatshirt and flannel pajama bottoms.

"It's actually just one part of the outfit that I need to change," Olivia murmurs bashfully, the pretty pink blush that Amanda has gotten so used to seeing lately staining her cheeks yet again, and Amanda's heart rate instantly picks up the pace once more as she realizes exactly what her friend is referring to.

"Is it because you're wet, Liv?" she husks in a sultry, teasing tone into the brunette's ear, unable to resist pressing her body provocatively into Olivia's as she wraps her arms around the quivering hips of the taller woman. "Did slow dancing with me to cheesy love songs from the seventies get you all hot and bothered?"

"It was what you said to me while we were dancing," Olivia breathes raggedly in reply, Amanda watching her pull away and take a shaky step inside the bedroom where their clothes have been hanging side by side in the closet and sitting snugly together in the dresser drawers since the lieutenant and her son had temporarily moved in. "And yes, I'm soaked."

"You mean when I offered to kiss you somewhere besides your neck, preferably somewhere lower?" Amanda replies softly, shutting the door and stepping up behind Olivia when she stops in front of the dresser; snaking her arms slowly around the brunette's ribs and resting her chin on a trembling shoulder when she nods in reply. "And I'm soaked too, just so you know. You do things to me, Olivia."

"You do things to me too," the other woman declares quietly, Amanda listening to the sharp inhale of air as she eases a hand underneath the hem of Olivia's sweatshirt and rests a palm against her warm stomach, feeling the muscles jumping minutely beneath her fingertips.

She traces a leisurely circle around Olivia's belly button and bites down very gently on her earlobe, grazing her teeth along the delicate skin and then soothing it with her tongue, Olivia's head falling back onto her shoulder and a low moan working its way out of the brunette's mouth. Amanda's fingers dip down and begin to skim suggestively back and forth along the waistband of Olivia's pants, a boldness rising up swiftly inside of her because she knows they are on borrowed time and that it likely won't be long before the screech of voices and pitter-patter of little feet outside the closed bedroom door will signal the demise of their much-needed break.

"Can I feel what I do to you? Can I touch you?" Amanda questions hoarsely, her heart pounding so furiously inside her chest that she is sure Olivia can notice it, and the organ threatening to explode right out of her body when she feels the shy nod against her shoulder in response.

Amanda takes a deep breath before pressing a lingering kiss to the side of Olivia's neck, one arm still wrapped tightly around the other woman's ribs while her fingers begin to slip slowly beneath the soft material of the flannel pajama bottoms.


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter picks up right where the previous one left off.**

 ** _It is also rated "M" for explicit sexual content, so please be aware of that before continuing to read, if this kind of thing offends you_.**

xxxxxxxxxx

As Amanda's hand continues its slow descent into Olivia's flannel pajama bottoms, she is very carefully observing the other woman's facial expressions and body language, wanting to be completely sure that Olivia is comfortable with what is happening between them. The brunette's head is thrust back against her shoulder, giving Amanda a glimpse of pink parted lips and a puckered brow and eyelids that are squeezed tightly shut as Olivia's taller figure arches slightly into her own with the languid movement of her palm. The only sound in the room is Olivia's ragged breathing and Amanda's soft panting as her fingertips make contact with the delicate cotton waistband of the lieutenant's underwear, drifting leisurely back and forth along the material and causing Olivia to buck hard into her body in response.

"Getting a little impatient, are we?" Amanda teases lightly, pressing another kiss to the side of Olivia's neck while her fingertips dance gradually lower.

She knows that time is of the essence here; that not only are they in danger of the kids waking up from their impromptu nap at any second, but she has also been dying to touch Olivia in this way for as long as she can remember. Despite these very good reasons for speeding up the process, Amanda still can't resist dragging it out just a little bit longer; wanting to savor this moment between them, especially when she hears the breathy moan escape from Olivia's mouth as she moves her hand lower again and cups the older woman gently through her panties.

 _"Amanda."_

A flood of moisture is pasting her own underwear to her body as she listens to her name being drawn out in a groan of passion from Olivia's lips and feels the unbelievable amount of wetness currently soaking through the thin material that is the only barrier between her hand and Olivia's skin. "Oh my god, Liv," she whispers with a throaty moan of her own, tracing a fingernail very delicately over the drenched cotton as her rapidly heightening arousal spikes to an even greater degree.

Amanda rubs Olivia softly through her panties, still incredulous over the fact that this is really happening, as it seems more like some erotic dream sequence; an unattainable fantasy instead of actual reality. Her eyebrows pull together in a concerned frown when she notices that Olivia's legs are buckling slightly beneath her as she continues to draw a fingertip in ever-narrowing circles around the sodden garment, her stomach muscles clenching tightly when she makes contact with the brunette's tiny bundle of nerves through the material.

"Liv, honey, let's go over to the bed so we can lie down," Amanda whispers into her ear, giving a quiet chuckle before placing a soothing kiss to the side of her neck. "You seem to have a disconcerting habit of going weak in the knees when you're around me. I think we should try to avoid another near-collapse onto the floor here."

"No, I can't-" Olivia gasps out, seeming to lose the power of speech for several seconds before finding her voice again. "I can't wait that long."

"You can't wait long enough to walk a few feet over to the bed?" Amanda replies in amusement, although the growing amount of wetness underneath her palm as she continues to circle the small bud with her fingertip is making it obvious that Olivia is not exaggerating.

" _No,"_ the older woman responds in a breathy whimper, and Amanda smiles as she trails her other hand up Olivia's sweatshirt and gently cups a generous breast through her top, letting her thumb graze back and forth across an erect nipple.

"Okay, Liv," Amanda snickers softly, overcome with a mixture of lust and tenderness when she hears the quick intake of air and feels the other woman arching back against her body again.

She is aware of Olivia clutching onto her arm with desperate, clumsy fingers in an effort to move Amanda's hand out of her pajama pants, and she peers over Olivia's shoulder once more to get another look at her pinched features and flushed cheeks. "Sorry, honey, do you want me to stop?" she asks softly as that concern cuts through her arousal again, very conscious of not making Olivia feel uncomfortable in any way.

"No, I want..."

"What?" Amanda prods gently as Olivia's fingers tangle with her own and their conjoined hands come to a halt at the waistband of the taller woman's underwear. "Tell me what you want, Liv."

While the lieutenant is usually so assertive and dominant at the precinct, this is a whole other side of Olivia and one that Amanda feels privileged to see when they are alone; the uncertain and endearing aspects of her personality causing her to mold the brunette more securely into her own body in a somewhat protective fashion. She is pretty sure that she knows what Olivia is trying to say as her friend's hand is trembling against her own now, Olivia's curvy figure shuddering hard in Amanda's embrace, but she needs to hear the words pass through her lips before going any further, her fingers twitching minutely against soft cotton as she waits patiently.

"I want you to go inside," Olivia murmurs huskily, Amanda watching as the older woman turns her head so their mouths are hovering only inches apart. "I want to feel your hands on my skin."

"Okay," Amanda whispers in a voice that is choked with need and desire, inclining her head the barest amount so her lips are grazing over Olivia's for the first time ever, the tentative kiss instantly deepening as her fingers breach the barrier of the other woman's panties and slip slowly beneath the waistband.

She opens her mouth and lets her tongue brush lightly against Olivia's, swallowing the brunette's loud moan as her hand makes contact with the soft curls and heated skin between the older woman's legs. Amanda rests her hand tenderly on Olivia's pubic bone for a moment, letting her friend get used to her touch while her heart hammers wildly inside her chest at finally being able to be so intimate with the woman she loves.

" _Lower,"_ Olivia rasps out amid kisses that are growing more passionate with each passing second, Amanda not wasting any more time as she grants Olivia's request and slides her fingers into soaking wet folds.

They both groan simultaneously at the deliciously new and incredible feeling of the skin to skin contact as Amanda's other hand glides underneath the hem of Olivia's sweatshirt, gently massaging a soft breast that feels like satin to the touch, her thumb pressing down upon a swiftly hardening nipple. Her fingertips are tracing delicate patterns along the protruding bundle of nerves at the juncture of Olivia's thighs, moving the tiny bud back and forth in swirling figure eights as Olivia's rapidly growing wetness creates erotic noises that fill the air and mingle in with the muffled sounds of panting and moaning.

" _Fuck,"_ Olivia gasps into Amanda's mouth as her knees buckle a little further, Amanda doing her best to tighten her hold around the squirming form of the taller woman and keep her upright. _"Harder."_

"You're pretty demanding, you know that, Liv?" she teases in a husky tone, but obliges the brunette right away by kneading her breast with a firmer touch and sinking one finger very slowly into the damp heat between Olivia's legs.

She is rewarded by a strangled moan that works its way out of Olivia's mouth, the older woman murmuring her name repeatedly in between fervent kisses, and Amanda thinks she might explode right then and there just from the sheer amount of pleasure she seems to be bringing to Olivia, her panties sticking right to her soaked skin. She slips another finger inside the tight, wet warmth of her friend's shuddering body, picking up the pace as her thumb swipes intermittently along the hardened little nub before pressing down more firmly and circling it with a steady touch.

Olivia instantly goes stiff in her embrace with a ragged gasp of air, the other woman's head slamming back against her shoulder and their lips wrenching apart as she lets out a long cry that Amanda immediately tries to stifle by covering the brunette's mouth with her own once more. They kiss frantically while Olivia bucks hard into her smaller frame, slick walls fluttering around Amanda's fingers and spasming over and over again before the lieutenant goes slack in her arms, Amanda gently removing her hand from inside of Olivia's sweatshirt and easing her fingers free from the dripping, confined passage.

Before they even have a chance to catch their breaths or utter a single word, a childish wail pierces the air, followed by a loud bark and the clicking of canine toenails across the floor, and Amanda and Olivia are yanking themselves away from each other so quickly that they practically lose their balance and stumble over one another's feet.

"Fuck me," Olivia mutters in exasperation under her breath as she hastily smooths her clothing back into place and drags her hands through disheveled dark hair, Amanda quirking an amused eyebrow at her in response.

"I think I just did," she smirks with a cheeky grin, keeping an ear cocked for the sound of little footsteps in the hallway as her eyes rake up and down Olivia's trembling body with an arousal that needs to start abating as fast as possible. "I'll go check on the kids and Frannie while you take a minute alone in here, okay, honey?"

Olivia simply nods in response as words seem to have failed her for the time being, brown eyes locking intensely onto blue as Amanda forces herself to turn away and head to the bedroom door, even though she wants nothing more than throw herself back into the other woman's arms and pick up right where they had left off.

xxxxxxxxxx

After a quick and easy dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup, the five occupants of the apartment are gathered in the living room once again for a movie night; the kids in their pajamas with stacks of pillows and blankets to maximize their comfort. Amanda has made a little nest on the floor for Noah and Jesse and Frannie to curl up in together while they watch the children's film and munch on a giant bowl of popcorn, the kids occasionally tossing the kernels at one another or sneaking them to the dog when they think their mothers aren't paying attention.

She and Olivia have taken over the entire couch, Amanda sitting at one end with Olivia's feet in her lap as the older woman stretches out across the remaining cushions and enjoys the massage that Amanda is lavishing upon her lower extremities, working her hands around a tight calf muscle underneath the blanket they are sharing. They have not had a chance to discuss what had taken place between them in the bedroom a few hours prior, as the kids have been their top priority since awakening from their brief snooze and they have been busy entertaining everyone and trying to keep them out of trouble.

The short nap that Noah and Jesse had taken before dinner seems to have energized them even more instead of mellowing them out for the evening, Amanda looking on with a mixture of annoyance and amusement as each child takes a turn letting the other smack them in the face with a pillow before bursting into hysterical laughter.

"You know, Liv, I think there might be something seriously wrong with our children," Amanda remarks dryly, raising an eyebrow and shaking her head in consternation as she watches the shenanigans play out before her.

She hears Olivia snort in response and glances over to see a giant roll of her big brown eyes before the older woman is lifting her head off the pillow she is lying on and fixing the kids with a stern expression. "Okay, guys, can we cool it with the pillow fighting before somebody gets hurt?" she calls out in a tone that suggests there is absolutely no room for argument despite voicing her command as a question. "Noah, stop hitting your sister right now, please."

Amanda immediately freezes in her seat at the term 'sister', her limbs molded unmovingly into the cushions and her heart feeling like it has come to a complete halt inside her chest, throwing another cautious glance at Olivia to see that all color has drained from the other woman's face as she seems to register what she has just said. She notices with a mixture of relief and disappointment that Noah doesn't appear to be listening to a word his mother says, as both kids are still very engaged in their pillow fight and have now gotten Frannie all riled up with excitement, the little boy not reacting at all to Olivia's order.

Amanda is unable to tear her gaze away from Olivia and waits until the brunette is looking straight at her before speaking, those dark eyes as wide as she has ever seen them, panic and regret rippling plainly over Olivia's sheet-white features. "Liv, it's okay," she whispers gently, reaching out to lay a tender hand on the other woman's forearm and intending on calming her down before Olivia decides to do something ridiculous again, like packing up and going home.

"I, uh, I didn't meant to say that," the lieutenant stutters quietly, seemingly trying to get ahold of herself and fix her mistake. "I wasn't thinking. It just slipped out."

"It's okay," Amanda repeats softly, tangling her fingers with Olivia's and giving them a soothing squeeze as the brunette struggles into an upright position on the couch. "The kids are so hyper, I don't think they even heard you."

Her heart feels as if it has started up an uneven rhythm of barely concealed joy as she tries to stop herself from going down that uncertain road again; from entertaining the thought of what it would be like if Noah and Jesse were actually siblings. Amanda has spent far too much time wishing and hoping for this to be true, and even though she and Olivia had taken a giant step together that day, she _still_ doesn't know what the status of their relationship can be classified as, since they have yet to engage in a serious conversation on the topic. She does know that it is definitely time to sit down and discuss everything that has been going on between them lately, but remembers that she had resolved not to keep pushing on the subject while Olivia is still recovering. It is hard to start up any kind of dialogue on the situation with the kids wide awake and sprinting and jumping around the room, using the pillows and blankets as an obstacle course now as Frannie trails after them while emitting frantic barks, but she doesn't know how much longer they can go without addressing the subject head-on.

Amanda feels Olivia's fingers slacken in her grip and when she looks over at the other woman again, she spots an expression on her face that she is all too familiar with, quickly shuffling over on the cushions so they are sitting shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip. "Liv, you don't need to get all worked up about what you just said," she warns in a low tone as she tightens her hold around Olivia's hand. "I know it was just a slip of the tongue and you didn't mean to say it. And to be perfectly honest, I didn't really mind at all. I like the sound of it."

When Olivia's dark gaze meets her own, Amanda swallows hard at the myriad of untold emotions that are visible in those chocolate orbs, her mind flashing back to the intimate scene they had shared in her bedroom earlier. She licks her lips before she can stop herself, her stomach muscles clenching tightly when she notices Olivia's eyes following the movement of her tongue around her mouth, and she hastily puts a stop to an action that has become somewhat sensuous when that hadn't been her intention.

"You like the sound of it?" Olivia asks in a whispered tone that is ringing with hesitation, and Amanda nods firmly as brown eyes bore into blue, shifting impossibly closer on the couch and easing a comforting arm around Olivia's shoulders.

"Yes, I do," she confirms softly, her fingers tracing soothing patterns along the material of the older woman's sweatshirt. "I like it a lot. It sounds right to me; Jesse being Noah's sister."

"Hmm." Olivia doesn't say anything else after exhaling with the thoughtful noise but she does lean her head onto Amanda's shoulder, causing a relieved smile to stretch across her lips.

They sit there contentedly together for a few minutes, watching the kids work themselves into an absolute frenzy of wild shrieking and crazy laughter and airborne pillows, until Amanda figures it is time to put a stop to the horseplay and just try to get them tucked into bed for the night before her neighbors decide to file a noise complaint against her. She reluctantly pulls herself away from Olivia's warm body and presses down gently on the brunette's shoulders when Olivia begins getting to her feet at the exact same time, murmuring in protest at the other woman's actions.

"No, you just stay right there and relax, Liv," Amanda chastises quietly, smoothing a hand over thick dark locks and pushing Olivia back onto the cushions. "Let me handle the little monsters tonight, okay? I know you're not feeling one hundred percent better yet, and you had a somewhat...vigorous...afternoon, so it's probably best if you don't overexert yourself again."

A saucy grin is pulling at the corners of her lips as she watches the hot flush of color spread across Olivia's face, immensely enjoying her ability to make the other woman blush each time she so much as mentions anything even remotely romantic. Amanda doesn't think she will ever get sick of this endearing and adorable side of Olivia's normally tough and kick-ass personality, and she feels privileged yet again that Olivia feels comfortable enough to show her all the different parts of herself, including her more insecure qualities.

"Alright, guys, listen up!" Amanda calls out over the ridiculous amount of noise that is permeating the living room. "I want all of these pillows and blankets picked up right this instant, and then we're going to bed."

"But I wanna watch the movie!" Noah shouts in complaint, giant tears immediately welling up in his eyes and streaking down his little face.

"Really? Well, that's news to me," Amanda replies with an arched eyebrow and a surprised tone, as her hands come up to rest upon her hips. "It seems to me that all the two of you want to do is throw pillows at each other. I don't see very much movie-watching going on here."

"I wanna watch the movie with my sister!" Noah pouts in response, his hands on his own hips now and a tongue sticking out of his mouth as he glares spitefully at Amanda.

She throws a swift glance over her shoulder at Olivia who has adopted the exact same position and expression that she had before, a deer-in-the-headlights look that has Amanda feeling a mixture of emotions on the situation; unsure if she wants to jump for joy at Noah's proclamation or just ignore it and carry on with their evening like he hadn't said anything. That familiar concern is simmering underneath the other emotions now that she knows without a doubt that the little boy had heard them talking; terrified that Olivia is going to get scared again and decide to pack up and leave when all Amanda wants is for the brunette and Noah to stay there forever with Jesse and Frannie and herself, in their cozy little home filled with chaos and love.

She figures the best course of action for now is to just pretend that she hasn't heard what Noah had said, at least until she is able to have a serious chat with Olivia about everything and finally hear what the older woman actually thinks about all that has transpired between them over the past week; the declaration of love, the shared intimacy, and the fact that they have been living as a family unit for the last several days. Amanda blows out an frazzled breath and leans down to scoop Jesse up with one arm and ruffle a hand over Noah's unruly dark hair, stepping carefully over the clumps of pillows and blankets that are strewn across the floor.

"You know what?" she says brightly as she sneaks another peek over at Olivia, who is watching her with an unreadable expression fixed on her features, hooded eyes flicking back and forth between Amanda and her son. "We're just going to leave this mess alone for now and snuggle up in Jesse's bed with a few good books, okay? We can clean this up another time and we'll finish the movie tomorrow. Right now I think it would be best if we all just settle down and relax for the rest of the night."

"But I wanna watch the movie _now_ ," Noah whines pitifully, dragging his feet along the floor as Amanda leads the group slowly back to her daughter's bedroom, Frannie trotting eagerly after them.

"I have a better idea," she replies with feigned enthusiasm as she gets both kids settled on the bed with Frannie leaping up beside them right away, trying not to show how utterly exhausted she is with this day. "Why don't you and Jesse take turns showing me how well you can read? I want to hear some great stories from you guys."

She is relieved when her suggestion is met with quite a bit more interest than she had expected, and squeezes herself onto the tiny toddler bed next to both children and the dog, tilting her head in curiosity when she hears the water in the bathtub turn on. Amanda shrugs to herself as Noah presents her with a giant hardcover children's book, figuring Olivia has decided to take a bath while she has some time alone and trying to push down any thoughts that insist on creeping into her mind of the other woman nude in the tub with droplets of moisture sliding down her olive skin and foamy bubbles clinging to her curvy body.

It takes various made-up plotlines from Noah and Jesse's imaginations as they work their way through several books while the kids pretend they are reading, along with multiple cups of water for each child, before the kids have calmed down enough to drift off to sleep, tucked in side by side in the small bed with Frannie resting on the floor. After Amanda has placed a kiss on both tiny foreheads and given her pet a rub behind the ears, she creeps as quietly as she can from the room, walking on her tiptoes, and goes in search of Olivia. She assumes the other woman is basking in the tub and enjoying her relaxation time, so she is puzzled when she notices that the bathroom door is standing wide open and the room appears to be mostly dark with the exception of a low flickering light.

Amanda frowns in confusion and surprise when she steps into the doorway and sees the tub filled to the brim with frothy white bubbles, a multitude of candles spread out across every available surface of the counter and shelves, the dancing flames creating shadowy patterns along the dim walls. Olivia appears from the kitchen clad in a short black robe with a glass of red wine held in each hand, thick hair curling around her shoulders and a shy smile gracing her lips.

"What's all this?" Amanda asks with a note of wonder in her tone, one eyebrow quirking up in curiosity when Olivia hands her a glass before taking a sip from her own, unable to stop her gaze from wandering down to those long, olive-colored bare legs.

"As a thank you for everything that you've done for us this past week, and because we got interrupted at an inconvenient time earlier, I thought I would set this up for you," Olivia replies softly, stepping closer to Amanda so they are standing nearly nose to nose before the brunette leans in to place a lingering kiss on her lips. "You deserve a night to unwind after this crazy week."

"Well, I appreciate that very much, Liv," Amanda says quietly, a warmth unfurling inside her chest as she reaches up to caress the older woman's cheek, and she doesn't think she has ever loved Olivia more than she has at this very moment; so relieved that this is the scene that has greeted her upon exiting Jesse's bedroom, instead of being faced with Olivia's rejection and urge to flee. "But we weren't really interrupted at an inconvenient time, were we? I think you were pretty satisfied with the way things went in my bedroom, if I'm remembering correctly."

"Yes, your memory is quite amazing, Amanda," Olivia remarks wryly with a roll of her eyes and a somewhat embarrassed smile tugging at her lips. "But my memory is pretty good too, and I seem to recall that only one of us was satisfied in that bedroom. And that doesn't seem very fair to me."

Amanda's mouth has gone completely dry at the lieutenant's words so she takes a quick gulp of the wine to ease her suddenly parched throat, her heart picking up to a thundering pace and all thoughts of a serious discussion with her friend immediately obliterated from her brain, even though she is aware that there is an ever-growing list of things they need to talk about. "So what are you suggesting, Liv?"

"I'm suggesting that you lose those clothes and get into the tub," Olivia answers in a voice that is both sultry and uncertain, Amanda's toes curling inside her socks in response and swallowing very hard at the other woman's next statement. "I haven't actually wanted to admit this to you because it sounds rather immature, but I've been dying to see what you look like naked."

Amanda is suddenly handing Olivia her glass of wine and grabbing onto the hem of her shirt with both hands, yanking the top over her head and tossing it to the ground before attacking her belt buckle with a swift enthusiasm that is overtaking her rapidly diminishing fatigue, her tone radiating with an energetic anticipation for what is to come.

"Well, geez, Liv, all you had to do was ask!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry for the delay in posting; I haven't been in much of a writing mood lately.**

 **This is the last chapter of the story. I want to say a massive thank you for all of the feedback I've received while writing this fic. It's been fun to step out of my comfort zone in many ways and do things a bit differently (having Olivia be the vulnerable one instead of Amanda, including Noah and Jesse so much in the story, and writing a more lighthearted plotline) and I really appreciate the support from readers and fellow writers. :)**

 **This chapter picks up right where the previous one left off.**

 ** _It it also rated "M" for explicit sexual content, so please be aware of that before continuing to read_.**

xxxxxxxxxx

Amanda is standing stark naked in the middle of the candlelit bathroom, goosebumps lining every single inch of her pale, toned body and her limbs trembling with delicious anticipation for what is to come. Her discarded clothing is lying pooled around her feet in a careless heap; almost losing her balance and toppling over in her haste to rid herself of the offending garments once Olivia had expressed her desire to see Amanda in the nude.

She clenches her bare legs tightly together against a damp pool of arousal that is rapidly making itself known at the juncture of her thighs, the look of awe and desire that Olivia is currently spearing her with nearly enough to make her explode right there on the spot, a soft moan escaping Amanda's mouth as they stare intently at one another. Olivia's gaze tears away from her own to sweep very slowly up and down the entire length of her body, drops of sweat beading across Amanda's forehead and between her breasts at the unblinking scrutiny that is both tender and intense.

For a moment it is utterly silent, not only in the bathroom but in the apartment beyond; by far the quietest it has been all day. Amanda doesn't dare speak and almost ceases to breathe while she watches Olivia place both wine glasses onto the counter next to the candles, the other woman's hands drifting down to the knot that is holding her short black robe together. Olivia starts untying the sash with languid, slightly clumsy movements that are beginning to drive Amanda crazy in their unhurried pace; giving a tantalizing peak of full breasts and dusky nipples before letting the robe fall open and revealing a body that is just as naked as her own, gorgeous olive skin gleaming in the dim lighting.

"You are absolutely stunning, Amanda," Olivia breathes in a hushed tone as she takes a step closer to her; Amanda doing the same so they are standing toe to toe on the cold floor tiles, warm breath mingling together as they continue to gaze at each other in mutual appreciation.

"Well, thanks, Liv. You're not so bad yourself." She is nearly choking over her words now, so entranced by the older woman's alluring figure and stunning beauty; soft curves on display as Olivia lets the robe slip from her shoulders and fall to the floor to join Amanda's discarded clothing.

After simultaneously closing the remaining gap amidst them, their lips meet in a light kiss that quickly deepens to a much more passionate gesture, sighing into each other's mouths as their bodies are pressed skin to skin for the first time ever, ragged groans of need punctuating the air. The feel of Olivia's generous breasts moving against her own smaller pair as they devour each other with a breathless intensity that cannot be contained, is so deliciously exquisite that Amanda's growing wetness is now painting the insides of her thighs in a slick pathway of arousal.

Her fingers are tangled up in Olivia's silken dark hair as she begins to walk them both over to the tub with hasty, uncoordinated steps, eager to sink down beneath the bubbles with the woman in her arms but unable to pull her lips or hands away from the brunette long enough to climb over the side and into the water. "Do you want to get in before it starts getting cold?" she finally murmurs in a voice that is dragged out on a moan when Olivia inserts a strong leg in between her thighs and presses upwards into her center, creating a pleasurable friction against her core and groaning at the evidence of her excitement.

"I want to taste you first," Olivia whispers sensually into her ear, and this time it is Amanda who is going weak in the knees and in danger of collapsing to the floor, her heart thundering inside her chest and a drop of sweat trailing down between her breasts. "Is that okay?"

"Fuck, _yes_ ," she rasps in a voice that is barely audible as her gaze bores into dark brown pools of rapidly heightening lust, the other woman staring back at her with nothing but desire and passion, every trace of timidity in her gestures and expression having long since disappeared.

"Come here," Olivia commands softly, her hand sliding down Amanda's bare arm to entangle their fingers together and giving a slight tug in the direction of the door. "Let's go into the bedroom. The bath can wait a little longer."

"I-" Amanda stutters out, suddenly at another loss for words because she knows that _she_ can barely wait much longer, her violently trembling legs threatening to give out and send her careening toward the floor at any second, the dampness coating the interior of her thighs like a second skin.

"Liv, I think I'm gonna-" The word _explode_ is poised at the tip her tongue, as she is dangerously close to flying apart before they have done anything more than simply kiss; amused that they can't seem to make it to a bed any time they have engaged in sexual activity during the course of the day, and that she also appears to lack the same kind of self control that Olivia had previously been so embarrassed about.

As if her hand has a mind of its own, Amanda's palm begins drifting down her body towards her drenched core, seeking to relieve the excruciating ache that is only growing stronger with every passing moment, noticing that Olivia's eyes have locked onto this movement with a rapt intensity and a pink tongue is poking out from her mouth to run slowly around plump lips. The older woman seems to be briefly frozen to the ground as she watches with unwavering attention while Amanda's fingers find slick folds that are so sensitive to the touch it makes her jump slightly, before sliding deftly through an astonishing amount of wetness in a quest for relief.

The combination of her intention to so thoroughly stimulate herself and having Olivia stare at her unblinkingly while she does it, a dazed arousal quite apparent on the brunette's features, has Amanda so close to the breaking point that she can already feel her inner muscles beginning to flutter as she stifles a shuddery moan of delight. Olivia seems to snap out of her arousal-induced fog just in time and takes a step forward to plant a firm hand on Amanda's arm, bringing her movements to a complete halt and the two of them standing there fused together for several seconds with Amanda's fingers buried in her own wet warmth and Olivia's digits locked around her wrist in a vise-like grip.

"Let me do that for you," the older woman implores with a quiet fervor as she removes Amanda's hand from her own core; and before she can even process what is happening, Olivia has gently lifted one her legs onto the edge of the tub and is dropping down to her knees on the floor between Amanda's spread thighs.

"Oh my god," Amanda chokes out as she lets her arms dangle limply by her sides, the fingers of one hand smeared in sticky wetness, captivated by the sight of Olivia shimmying even closer to her on the cold tiles until she feels trembling hands stroking up and down the outside of her thighs and a small kiss being pressed against neatly trimmed golden curls.

Her knees almost buckle at the exquisitely shocking sensation of Olivia's mouth coming into contact with the most intimate part of her body, Amanda's fingers quickly tangling into thick brown strands of hair in an effort to remain upright. She can feel the other woman's thumbs tenderly spreading her apart and a warm tongue stroking briefly between sodden lower lips before circling languidly around her throbbing bundle of nerves, causing tremors of pleasure to overtake her entire frame. Amanda is desperately trying to hold in the wanton noises that seem to be intent on escaping from her throat and wonders if she might actually burst into tears if they accidentally wake the kids up, effectively putting an end to their much-needed alone time.

 _"Oliviaaa..."_ The name of the woman she loves is dragged slowly from her open mouth amid panting breaths and strangled squeaks, jolting abruptly into Olivia's face when she feels a pair of soft lips wrapping themselves around her tiny pink bud and giving a very firm suck.

"Ahhh, _fuck_." Amanda feels Olivia's hands slide around to the back of her thighs and hold on with an unwavering grip as the brunette buries her face deeper inside her pulsating core, hips grinding frenetically into Olivia's open mouth as a smooth tongue draws delicate figure eights around her tender opening before dipping inside.

Amanda's entire body is bathed in sweat and shaking with the exhilaration of what is currently taking place inside her bathroom, the first tendrils of impending orgasm tingling low in her belly and radiating outwards to encompass every limb when Olivia slips one finger inside followed quickly by another. They are barely able to establish an erotic rhythm of thrusts and counter thrusts when Amanda feels Olivia's teeth grazing ever so lightly across her twitching bundle of nerves, the older woman's lips wrapping firmly around the small bud once again and giving it a sharp suck.

The explosion is immediate and intense, the orgasm tearing a blissful swath right through Amanda's groin and erupting into her stomach in a volcano of euphoria, spreading out to encompass her entire being with a pleasure the likes of which she has never felt before. It is a supreme struggle to catch her breath as she comes crashing down from the high, and she is aware of Olivia stroking her hands soothingly up and down the back of her thighs and placing gentle kisses to her abdomen to help calm her.

They remain entwined together on the floor of the bathroom in the flickering candlelight, Amanda's body bowed low over Olivia's hunched form, her face pressed against the other woman's hair while Olivia's head is buried in her stomach, breathing hard and clinging onto one another like they intend on never letting go. Basking sweetly and contentedly in the afterglow of Amanda's immense gratification, there is no hurry whatsoever to move into the tub full of frothy bubbles and continue where they had left off, both women choosing to linger in their locked position on the cold tiles.

Although she has dared not utter those three little words since that tumultuous scene in the precinct bathroom followed by a mad rush to get Olivia to the hospital before the lieutenant had stopped breathing, it is all Amanda can think about now; the depth of love she is feeling for this woman obliterating all else in the present moment. Her nerves are overtaking much of the excitement that she feels at the prospect of finally being able to say what has been on her mind without the interruption of work or kids or illness, but she needs to get this out; is desperate for Olivia to know how she feels now that the other woman is on the mend and can think more clearly and they are not ensconced in some form of chaos.

Amanda leans down with a thrill of anticipation and a hint of trepidation, placing her lips next to the brunette's ear and hesitating briefly before whispering the words she yearns to hear in return, her heart pounding frantically against her rib cage. "I love you, Olivia."

There is a beat of silence as Amanda waits hopefully for an answer, desperate for the short sentence she so longs to have the other woman say back, but the moment of quiet is shattered by the clicking of canine toenails out in the hallway as they listen to Frannie trot by the closed bathroom door, Amanda's eyelids slamming shut and steeling herself for what is most likely to come; the cry of one of the kids piercing the dark night. When there is no sound forthcoming from either Noah or Jesse, she heaves a giant sigh of relief and turns her attention back to Olivia, an unreadable expression on the other woman's face now as she gazes up at Amanda from her spot on the floor.

She watches as Olivia slowly gets to her feet, a small smile gracing her friend's lips as she rises to her full height in front of Amanda and reaches out to pull her into a snug embrace. They stand there with arms wrapped tightly around each other, bare bodies pressed flush against one another as Amanda waits for an answer that doesn't come, the silence continuing to permeate the room and not breaking until Olivia finally suggests they get into the tub before the water starts getting cold.

xxxxxxxxxx

When Amanda's eyelids flutter open the next morning, there is only a split second of peaceful ignorance before pure dread is encompassing her entire being and causing them to slam shut once again in an effort to block out the instant realization that she is now ill. Having mistakenly thought that everyone else in the apartment had escaped the sickly clutches of Olivia's bronchitis, Amanda's previous relief is at once destroyed as she emits a ragged cough and feels the fever burning brightly within.

She rolls over very carefully on the mattress, trying in vain to keep the coughing to a minimum so as not to disturb Olivia who is sleeping soundly next to her, the older woman snuggled up into a comfortable cocoon inside the sheets. When another rough gasp comes bursting from her throat, Amanda quickly slides her legs over the side of the bed and gets shakily to her feet with the intention of wobbling into the kitchen to make some piping hot tea.

It is early on Sunday morning and still very quiet in her home, the door to Jesse's room sitting partway open and the occasional childish snore sounding from inside. Frannie is sprawled across the cushions on the couch, furry body at an awkward angle with her head scrunched into one of the pillows and a long pink tongue lolling out of the side of her mouth as she snoozes.

Amanda is relieved that she doesn't have to deal with anyone else just yet, her blinding headache obliterating most coherent thought as she rummages clumsily through one of the kitchen cupboards in search of a clean mug. There are dirty dishes scattered across every available surface of the counter and the remnants of the previous day's cooking is still lingering in the air, Amanda wrinkling her nose in distaste as she takes in the utter disarray of the room.

Finger paintings are tacked up haphazardly on the fridge with brightly colored magnets, some of Frannie's dog food has spilled out of its giant bag in the corner, and there are a combination of tiny toy trucks and building blocks littering a floor that looks to be in dire need of a broom and mop.

Unexpectedly, Amanda feels tears pricking at her eyelids as she surveys the mess, her shoulders slumping down in defeat as she is unable to locate even one clean mug to prepare her tea. Her apartment has never looked quite so lived-in before, with two adults, two kids and a dog taking up residence here, and her emotions are a complex mixture of exhaustion, longing, and a fierce disappointment that is bordering on downright despair.

Instead of grabbing one of the soiled mugs that are grouped together near the sink and washing it out so she has something to drink from, Amanda finds herself sliding slowly down the outside of the cupboards until she is curled up into a pathetic ball on the floor, face buried in her knees and chin quivering violently as she tries to hold in the impending tidal wave of tears.

"Amanda, what's wrong, honey?"

The unexpected sound of Olivia's sleep-roughened voice, her tone ringing with alarm, has Amanda's head snapping up to see the taller woman hovering above her, the worry written plainly across the brunette's tired features. She has the sudden urge to be completely honest about the situation; to tell Olivia that the cause of her breakdown is standing right there in front of her, bare feet planted on the scuffed kitchen tiles and brown eyes gazing down at her with barely-concealed fear, and she knows Olivia is not used to seeing her in such a vulnerable position.

Instead of saying exactly what is on her mind; that Olivia herself is the problem, Amanda chooses to disclose a partial truth and go with the subject that is not likely to cause any arguments or hurt feelings or exacerbate the rejection that she is already acutely aware of up. "I'm sick," she replies pitifully, hanging her head to hide the trickle of tears that are now spilling from her eyes and trying to ignore how enticing Olivia looks even this early in the morning, fresh out of bed with hair that is standing on end and mismatched pajamas that she had hastily thrown on after their bathtub adventures the night before.

"Oh, honey, come here."

Before Amanda can squirm away in embarrassment, Olivia is crouching down on the floor beside her and banding one arm around her back and another beneath her knees, picking Amanda up and swiftly depositing her quivering body into her warm lap. A hand comes up to stroke soothingly through her tangled blonde locks, Olivia murmuring soft words of comfort into her ear in a voice of concerned sympathy while the other hand presses against her forehead, presumably to gauge how high her fever is.

These tender gestures from the woman she loves only make Amanda's tears come harder for a moment, overwhelmed with a deep sadness despite the magical evening they had shared in the tub, followed by drifting off to sleep wrapped up securely in each other's arms in a nest of fluffy blankets.

"It's okay, I've got you," Olivia assures her quietly, placing a light kiss on Amanda's cheek and rocking her gently back and forth, obviously trying to inject a trace of humor into the conversation. "I'm sorry I passed on my bronchitis to you but I will nurse you back to health, just like you did for me. I know you must feel terrible, but I'll give you as many sponge baths as you want."

"It's not that," Amanda sniffles as she drags an arm across her face in an effort to rid herself of the unwanted tears that won't abate, choosing to ignore the lame attempt at humor, even though a small part of her perks up at the thought of Olivia sponging her down.

"What is it, then?" Olivia asks softly, and Amanda feels cool fingers sliding underneath her chin and tilting her head up so they are looking one another in the eye.

Amanda stares intently at Olivia for several seconds before her face crumples and she dissolves into sobs, her shoulders shaking with the effort of holding back the worst of her emotions so she doesn't wake the kids. "You don't love me," she whispers brokenly, thinking back to the night before when they had carried on with their lovemaking well into the wee hours of the morning without Olivia either acknowledging those three little words or saying them back. "Your silence speaks volumes, Liv."

"I thought my actions did too," Olivia mutters in a low tone after an awkward, intense silence passes between them, Amanda's eyelids fluttering briefly closed as the older woman's fingers caress lightly across her furrowed brow. "I thought the night we just shared together would have told you everything you needed to know...that I feel the same way, that I'm ready to make a commitment to you, that I want us to be a family."

Amanda leans away from the curvy figure she is cuddled into, the frown on her face deepening in perplexity even as a sharp spike of hope blooms inside her chest. "You feel the same way? You...you want all of those things too?"

"Of course I do," Olivia replies warmly, a hint of tears evident in those large dark orbs that are boring so steadily into her own blue ones. "I know I've been so back and forth lately, unable to come to a firm decision on anything, but I feel the same way, Amanda."

"Then why couldn't you just say the words, Liv?" she answers in a hushed voice, sorrow and joy warring with each other as another tear sneaks down her cheek before she can stop it, Olivia quickly wiping it away with a tender touch. "You've left me hanging twice, and I'm not sure if I can say it a third time. It hurts too much."

"I'm so sorry, honey," Olivia breathes raggedly in regret, her thumbs stroking delicately back and forth beneath Amanda's watery eyes. "This is a scary situation for me here and I've had a hard time coming to terms with my feelings for you, not only because I'm your boss but because you're my best friend and I have Noah to think of as well. He sees Jesse as a sister and I don't want him to get hurt."

"He's not going to get hurt, Liv," Amanda says quietly, reaching up to cup Olivia's cheek as a tear escapes from one brown eye, her heart aching at all of the physical and emotional upheaval the other woman has been going through lately. "I would never hurt him or you. Or Jesse. I would do anything for the three of you. You are the most important people on this planet to me."

The tears are streaming down Olivia's face now and Amanda leans forward to place a gentle kiss on her cheek followed by another on her lips, the salty liquid that is trailing wet pathways from both sets of eyes mixing together in a joyful rain as they kiss tenderly, the older woman murmuring something unintelligible into Amanda's mouth.

"What was that, honey?" she asks softly as they pull slightly away from one another, keeping their arms looped around each other's necks. "I didn't quite catch that."

"I said the third time's the charm," Olivia replies with a smile, a blush darkening her cheeks as Amanda cocks her head to the side in question before understanding just what the brunette means, a matching smile spreading across her own lips and that hint of hope exploding into elation as she speaks with a soft reverence.

"I love you, Olivia."

"I love you too, Amanda."

There is no hesitation in Olivia's voice when she responds, and they grin delightedly at each other and then wince simultaneously as a loud thump suddenly sounds from Jesse's bedroom, followed by muffled laughter and the pitter-patter of tiny footsteps, Amanda groaning in exhaustion and burying her face into Olivia's neck while holding on tightly to her warm body.

"Ugh, don't make me get up," she whines as a loud cough rattles through her chest and breaks loose from her throat, the other woman patting her back comfortingly. "I don't want any responsibilities today, okay, Liv? I just want to stay right here in your arms."

Olivia chuckles empathetically and Amanda feels herself being nudged in the side, looking up to see Noah, Jesse and Frannie standing in an expectant line in front of them, the kids hopping up and down with excitement at seeing their mothers and the dog dancing on impatient paws with the prospect of breakfast. "I'm going to take over all the responsibilities today, so I don't want you to worry about a thing, Amanda."

"Mama, you and 'Manda crying?" Noah asks in confusion, gesturing toward the tears that are slowing but have not entirely stopped just yet. "Why?"

"We're just happy sweetheart," Olivia assures the little boy gently, reaching out to give him a playful poke in the belly and eliciting an ear-piercing squeal in response. "These are happy tears."

"Why?" Noah asks again, his head tilted to the side as he regards them with curiosity.

"Why are we so happy?" Olivia confirms the question and they watch as the child nods and raises his eyebrows, awaiting an answer.

"We're happy because we're with our family," Amanda says softly, gathering Jesse into her lap and planting a kiss on one chubby cheek as Olivia cuddles Noah into her side, Frannie squeezing into the tiny space they are all sharing and causing everyone to break into a fit of giggles as a furry tail swipes across Olivia's face.

"Don't forget about your promise to nurse me back to health and give me as many sponge baths as I want," Amanda murmurs into Olivia's ear when the kids begin pushing and shoving each other amid peals of laughter and are obviously tuned out of the discussion now. "Don't even think about leaving again when you have to stay here and take care of me."

"Why would we ever leave?" Olivia replies with a tender smile, that joyful hope now firmly taking hold of Amanda and not letting go when she hears the older woman's next words.

"We're already home."


End file.
